OnCourseNorthward16



	Chapter 16 ON COURSE NORTHWARD East of Eden Our usual early start saw us on the road at 2:00 p.m., but we weren't planning on traveling more than a few hours and we would be settled down by dinner. Our new direction would take us directly northwest to Colorado, and it felt good to be on course for our destination: Dottie's for Easter. I remembered this first part of the trip, East of Eden, from a previous trip when we came south through Amarillo, and I'd laughed when we drove through the small town of Eden and saw a maximum security prison, complete with barbed-wire on the top of the fence. Can you imagine writing home, "The good news is that I'm in Eden; the bad news is that I'm in prison." Otherwise, the terrain had changed and become expansive farmlands and sheep ranches, often covered with a blanket of yellow flowers, probably buttercups, and sometimes the taller yellow mustard blooms, with only a few Texas bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes. This area, in the Texas Guide Book, designated Panhandle and Plains, features sheep, goats and cotton, with a large section of oil wells. And San Angelo, the largest city, thrives on processing and shipping wool, mohair and cotton, in addition to the Conoco Oil Refineries. San Angelo also boasts Fort Concho and the world's fourth largest university planetarium, not to mention the Miss Hattie's Museum housed in the restored "Ladies of the Evening" saloon-parlor house. There are also numerous cultural centers, including a symphony, and museums. But, as usual, we didn't stop. Hurry Up and Wait! Instead we forged on through to Wal-Mart in Big Spring, and when we watched the Weather Report our plans again changed. It seemed a big wind storm with winds up to 50-miles an-hour would be coming through the next afternoon; and some areas we planned to travel would be having thunder, lightning and hail. My theory, typical of my outlook on life, was to get up and get out of the area early, before the storm hit. Instead of heading into Southern New Mexico, the heart of the storm, we'd go further north and cut over. But, no, Van's approach to life is to wait-it-out, so here we sit, as I'm writing, in Wal-Mart's parking lot in Big Spring, rocking and rolling. I'm so glad that we rushed through every place of interest so we could hang out here. Needless to say, I'm upset. We could visit the Hangar 25 Air Museum, where the WWII bombardiers trained, with mementos and artifacts from that era, but we won't, because Van doesn't want to. Or we could see the Heritage Museum with the world's largest collection of Texas Longhorn steer horns, but neither of us are interested in that. Maybe we should go back to San Angelo and see Miss Hattie's Museum. But we won't do that either. We'll just sit here and rock and roll. Impending Doom Obviously, I was upset when writing the above words, and I remained angry all day, without fully understanding why. I only knew that my head was feeling tight pressure, as usual from the wind and humidity. Otherwise, I was not aware of the cause of underlying fear and sense of impending doom that I always feel in these conditions. I tried to explain to Van again, that part of my problem relates to the syndrome of putting my trust in someone who is supposed to be taking care of me, such as parents (as a child) and him (as my husband), only to have that person change and no longer be capable of fulfilling the role they once handled. The original trauma began with my natural mother becoming mentally ill, and again when my adopted mother became an alcoholic, and the last straw came when Van became traumatized after his job-layoff and could no longer handle his responsibilities. In each case, it suddenly became up to me to take care of things that I was not equipped to do, either because I was a child and didn't know, or as an adult I hadn't been in a position to take care of providing and protecting, which is normally a man's role, at least for my generation. So, when Van became nearly immobilized, I'd shifted into the role of making decisions and managing things. Then, in time, as he has gradually healed and returned to normal, feeling more confident in making decisions, such as staying put, I felt confused, disoriented. I knew that I must support his efforts, but I didn't feel that I could trust him. For instance, in the past, often the decisions were made by his inner child and they blew up or had a disastrous result. So, now I felt jammed, not knowing if he had made a good decision or not. Being able to recognize, identify and verbalize these feelings was a milestone in my own healing and recovery, because these issues had often left me incapacitated, especially in similar circumstances when decisions were needed, it was up to me, and I didn't have the knowledge or ability to know what to do. This often happens in our travels, but it is related to the responsibility factor and can be triggered when I feel it's up to me and I fear the results if I make the wrong decision. But, somehow we made it through the day with gusts up to 50-miles per hour, and the Weather News reported that further west, near El Paso, in the Guadalupe Mountains, the gusts reached 90-MPH; and in Carlsbad, the route we would have taken, the schools were closed due to the wind and blowing dust. And in the Midland-Odessa area, where the News originated, the pictures showed the brown skies from blowing dust. Furthermore, a Tornado Warning existed around Lubbock and Thunder Storms were possible for our area. The strong winds had been blowing from the south, causing the humidity from The Gulf, but in the early evening they shifted from the west causing a humungous brown apparition to overcome the area. I didn't know if it was a tornado or what, but I ran into Wal-Mart, yelling to Van to join me. Finally, I felt somewhat a sense of relief from the fear, especially when we learned that the brown was a dust cloud. Once I felt safe, we returned to Freedom, chewing dust as we walked through the parking lot. Insight It wasn't until the next morning, when the winds had died down and we were ready to move on that I began to understand the phenomenon that my inner child was experiencing. I had really wanted a pair of lavender clamdiggers, like my blue ones, but I hadn't bought them; a characteristic pattern that I had been aware of all my life, but hadn't recognized and identified. Now, as Van warmed up Freedom, I said, "I'm going inside and buy those lavender clamdiggers." My inner child felt a sense of triumph as I grabbed the pants and paid for them, and it's as if a ton of elephants had lifted from my body. I wasn't quite clear why, but I knew that by taking this action, I had changed a lifetime pattern of guilt and punishment. When I returned to Freedom, and Van began the onward journey, I said, "Thank you for supporting me buying those pants," and I started to speak the words that would uncover and free me, "This painful pattern of withholding my good from myself is a self-inflicted punishment for the feeling of blame and guilt, related to my mother's illness." I was feeling a sense of relief, as the words rolled out, but Van interrupted by showing concern for a book that had fallen from the dash, and I felt intense anger as I said, "This is very important to me and I need to express the words." He said, "Go ahead, I'm interested in hearing them." But, again, the pattern kicked in, as I said, "Never mind, it's not that important to you," and I refused to continue talking. However, something within me forced the words out, as I said, "I am not going to allow you to deny me this moment of freedom," and I continued, "There is some association between the wind and my mother's 'going crazy' that got triggered yesterday. It has to do with my feeling that it's up to me to take care of the situation, not knowing what to do, and being blamed for what happened, when it wasn't my fault in the first place." I'd been aware of this scenario for years, but I hadn't connected the withholding and self- punishment with it. Now, verbalizing the association, a terrible weight had been lifted, and I felt free from it. I knew that I could now move forward, not only with our trip, but with the website too. "I Rest in God's Presence" It's amazing how God works, but I knew this had been the time and place for me to be freed and to continue on course with my life, which was confirmed when I picked up my Daily Reading, "In the stillness of my soul, I rest in God's presence." It went on to affirm that I can rely on the Divine Order of events in my life and that I can be comforted in knowing that God is always with me and supporting me even though I may not understand what has happened. The bible verse reads, "The beloved of the Lord rests in safety -- the High God surrounds him all day long" (Deuteronomy 33:12). As usual, God had used an experiential aide to bring me through an inner crisis on my outer journey and I could now move forward. Van Was Right Because Van and I share the same emotional history, I knew that he too had been through an experiential aide, as I said, "You know this realization of mine applies to you too." He replied, "I know." "So can you recognize and identify what was going on with you?" "Not really. Do you?" "Well, what good will it do you for me to identify your pattern?" "I don't know." Of course, it always happens this way, so I said, "The way it manifests for you is that someplace along the way you made a decision, or maybe several, which didn't turn out right and you got blamed, so you decided to stop making decisions, let someone else make them. Right?" "Right." "However, I'm always encouraging you to make decisions, so you did. You said that your intuition told you that we should stay put, and I blew up and got crazy over it. So your old pattern would be to decide that you were right not to make decisions. Now, how can you change that pattern?" "By knowing that it's okay to make decisions no matter how it turns out." "Right, and the truth is that you made the right one. It was best for us to stay put." As we were driving along, both sides of the road were plowed fields of dirt, which would have been a disaster to drive through in that heavy wind, and I again confirmed, "You were right. It's a good thing we didn't drive through here yesterday." It's an Industrial "State of Mind" Today, on the other hand, the sky was clear and we were enjoying the trip through West Texas's flatlands on our last day in the "State of Mind" of Texas. We drove through plowed or planted farmland, either green with grain, or orange in fallow (unplanted). And often there were oil pumps accompanied by their smell. Depending on the area, there would be oil refineries or cotton gins; and even some peanut processing plants. In other words, there was no doubt about West Texas's industry. Of course, some areas were fenced cattle or sheep ranches, and the cowboys were still in evidence, along with the corrals. A Day of Phenomenon's But, with a blink of the eye, we entered New Mexico's "Land of Enchantment," and began a day of many phenomenon's as we continued our northwestern course. Southeastern New Mexico has a best kept secret: oil, which one seldom hears mentioned, evidenced by the many oil pumps quietly doing their thing midst the miles of flatland and sagebrush. And far in the distant horizon a snow-covered mountain caused us to wonder where and why? And we found out, only that was later. In the meantime, at Artesia, where we began a northerly route on Highway 285 to Roswell, we were surprised to find ourselves in a fertile green valley with many small farms and ranches, much like parts of Oregon. That's because of the Pecos River which flows through the valley, allowing for irrigation. We had crossed it, and I couldn't believe this main source of water for New Mexico and Texas, like the Rio Grande in Brownsville: a narrow muddy river that looked more like a creek. Yet, it is the Pecos River and it provides the water that allows this valley to flourish, just as the Rio Grande does for thousands of miles through otherwise parched land. Later in the day, we also crossed the Rio Grande, which was now a roaring muddy river from the snow melt-off further north. UFO's and Other Strange Things Those of us who were around in 1947 remember the reports that a UFO had crashed and the bodies of three dead aliens and one live one had been confiscated. But the government stepped in and began an intense cover-up, which resulted in the deaths of some witnesses to the incident, and threats to everyone involved. The free UFO Museum and Research Center in Roswell is the place to learn all about it. This is one museum that I insisted that we stop and tour, although we didn't stay very long. However, watching their well researched and explicit video left no doubt about the governments part in keeping this information from the public. In this day and age of media frenzy, I doubt if it could have been squelched, but times were different then, and it really happened. Every bit of evidence from the crash scene was removed and taken to various locations for study. But no one involved was allowed to talk about what they saw and did, or they suddenly disappeared. However, over the years, some witnesses have dared to tell the truth, and the story has been written in various books and shown in a movie, Roswell, as well as documented and displayed in this museum and research center, founded by some of the original witnesses or their families. This movie and the books are fascinating material and I recommend them to anyone who is interested in UFO's, or simply knowing the truth. And, I especially urge you to visit the UFO Museum in Roswell, on Main Street. I might add, however, that Roswell is probably not on the way to anyplace that you may be going, but it's worth a trip. You can include a visit to Carlsbad and the famous caverns, if UFO's aren't enough to motivate this trip. However, we by-passed Carlsbad, saving it for another trip. And, be sure to find out about Area 51; the government's best kept secret. Roswell is also a fork-in-the-road for Albuquerque, and we asked the hostess in Denny's which would be the best route. She highly recommended the Scenic Route via Ruidoso, rather than the shorter thoroughfare over the desert, so we took her advice. And we were glad we did. However, we did have one regret, that we were too hungry to locate Tia Juana's Mexican Restaurant in town, rather than the quick and handy Denny's, because Tia's advertised, "Not Just Another Mexican Restaurant," and they especially lauded their chili. But, my hunger alarm had sounded and Van knows that his life will go much smoother if he gets me fed, so he rushed me into Denny's, because we had parked across the street at the Chamber of Commerce, which was closed. But, it turned out to be by the UFO Museum and Denny's, so we were still on course, and Tia Juana's would have to wait for another trip. More Best Kept Secrets The terrain changed from usual New Mexico desert, as we headed west, along Highway 70/380, toward that snow-capped mountain, mentioned earlier, and soon found ourselves in a lovely canyon with a river and many little farms and lots of shade trees. All the time, we were going higher, until we were finally in tree covered mountains. About this time, we decided to take a side trip, when Highway 70 separated. Now, we headed into Ruidoso via canyons and valleys, often populated by communities and a town in the Hondo Valley; not Texas, but New Mexico. Much to our surprise, we approached Ruidoso Downs named for their first class race track, Billy the Kid Casino and a Wal-Mart Supercenter, where we parked for the night, overlooking pines and other evergreens. The Wal-Mart gals told us that the race track is in full operation from Memorial Day to Labor Day and the area is alive with the sounds of betting. And, although summers are very popular for tourists and travelers wanting to escape the heat, the winters are just as busy with skiers and winter sport enthusiasts, many who have cabins, or live year-round in these mountains. It wasn't until the next morning, when the returning winds urged us to an early start, that we discovered the main town of Ruidoso, which spreads up the mountain and soon gives an awesome view of snow-covered Sierra Blanca, which we had seen for over a hundred-miles away. Van had decided to take a short-cut, Highway 48, Billy the Kid National Scenic Byway, to continue westward along Highway 380. Overall, this was a good decision, but we were both more than concerned, as we drove higher and higher and higher, finally reaching nearly 7,000 ft. Neither of us do well at such altitudes, and our original motive had been to get out of the mountains. But the views were so spectacular, of Sierra Blanca and the surrounding tree-covered mountains, that we felt pleased we had taken this route. It was like we were on top of the world all the way to Capitan, the town at the intersection of Highway's 48 and 380. This town is noteworthy, because it's the place where Smokey the Bear originated and it houses the Smokey The Bear Museum. But, the real bear actually lived in Ruidoso, another best kept secret. And Billy the Kid actually lived in Lincoln, a few miles east of Capitan. Rockin' and Rollin' But, we didn't stop, other than to take a picture of the Smokey the Bear Restaurant, which was packed with Sunday breakfast diners. Although the wind had died down, we were anxious to get out of the mountains. However, once around the bend, the strong, gusty winds returned, and Van drove 10-miles per hour to the next town, Carrizozo, where we were now in flatlands, though the winds were still influenced by the mountains. When we passed The Four Winds Restaurant, we knew that these winds were not going to diminish, so we forged ahead. Now, he crept along the desert, as the gusts rocked and rolled. Finally, tired from the stress, we pulled off at a Scenic Viewsite overlooking the back of Sierra Blanca and other mountains, where we could regroup and I could catch up on my writing. The Valley of Fire, though promising colorful adobe hills or rock formations is so named because of the molten red spewing that had once erupted from Sierra Blanca, but now formed miles of chunks of black lava rock that had once been the flow of fire. Despite this violent history, the place was boring, bleak and windy. I was happy to move on, but not very fast, because Van continued to creep across the vast New Mexico desert at 40-miles per hour, while we continued to rock and roll. And that's all I have to say about that, except that arriving at the familiar I-25 that takes us all the way to Denver, did not bring relief from the wind. Now it came from the back, so we were finally able to zip along to Albuquerque where we stopped at Flying J to refuel and dump. Even here, the winds were blowing dust and we still rocked and rolled. Later, when we watched the evening news and weather report, we learned that the winds around Ruidoso had flamed a terrible wildfire on the Mescalero Apache Indian Reservation, 18-miles from Ruidoso, on the route we would have taken, had we not opted for Billy the Kid Scenic Byway. The TV showed a night scene of intense red flames soaring into the sky and the announcer said that they had brought in many firefighters and Hot Shots (specialized firefighters) from other areas, but they had 0 containment of the fire, because of the high winds. A sobering thought to realize that we could have been exposed to the smoke, or even fire, had we not felt guided to take the other route. Thank You, God. A Respite From the Road Our temporary destination, always a rest stop, before heading on to Dottie's, is our friend Dan Mueller, who always gives us a friendly and warm welcome, and a respite from the road. Joanie, my inner child, enjoys these visits because we always eat out at inexpensive fun places, like casinos or Mexican restaurants, or bountiful breakfast buffets. This time was no exception, but there were some disappointments. We'd planned to see the Living Legends at another casino, but they weren't performing the night we were in town. So, instead, Dan suggested that we watch a video from his 20th Century series, narrated by Peter Jennings. Yuk! Joanie was disappointed, because it was all about the atrocities and devastation of WWII. It was bad enough living through it, at the time, and I have such an aversion to watching man's inhumanity to man. So, I used the time to clear my e-mail file; time well spent, although the energies of the video left me feeling weak. Even Dan admitted he felt dragged-out from watching the tape. God's Will or Mother Nature? We'd also planned to drive to the San Felipe Casino ten-miles north of Albuquerque for their Tuesday Fish Buffet. Van would take his car and return, but we would drive Freedom and stay all night. However, again, the wind changed our plans. Dan left early in order to have some time to play the Keno machines, but the wind and gusts worsened, up to 60-miles and hour, so now way could we travel. Instead, we stayed inside Dan's house and I worked on my website. At least something was accomplished, and I wasn't as upset as I'd been during the Texas Big Wind. When I finally braved the wind to get my cellular phone, I had a "missed call" from Dottie. She said Steve had checked their messages and heard one from me wondering about their weather and complaining about being trapped in Western Texas with tornado's. He didn't realize that I'd left the messages several days earlier, so when he watched the Weather News, and saw the red Tornado Alerts in that area, he became concerned and suggested that Dottie call me. She was relieved to hear that we were safely in Albuquerque, but announced that they expected 5-10 inches of snow during the night. Now I knew why our Divine Tour Guide had delayed us in Albuquerque. Hopefully this would be the Last Snow of the Season, which always comes in April. Yet, I was nervous about the predicted snow in the two high passes that we would be going through, and also that there would be more winds the next day, though not as severe, all the way into Colorado. "Okay God, so I'm trusting you to take us safely to our destination and beyond; not our will, but Yours be done," continued to be my prayer. Family News I began to adjust myself for the next phase of our journey, as Dottie updated me on the increased family activity, including Airica's dental work sandwiched in with buying her new formal for the prom, and plans for the graduation celebration. Of course, their business still takes most of their time and focus, and the results were paying off, especially with Steve retired and dependent on the income. However, freedom from monthly house payments made a big difference, and Dottie told me a story that confirmed their relief from home-owning responsibilities. Bottom-line, they had a big leak in the basement which required a rotor-rooter to remove roots from the pipes. Although they still had to clean-up the mess in the basement, the new owners (who were also the former owners), took care of the rest of the responsibilities. Indeed, this is another example of prosperity. Lunch With Judy From there we continued our northward course to Santa Fe where we stopped for Lunch With Judy, another tradition of our travels. This time she shared with us her plans for an upcoming European trip to Paris, Rome, Venice and Florence, plus her son's June wedding, in addition to a report on the slow healing of throat surgery six months ago. I always enjoy our time with Judy, though short, we manage to exchange our recent travels and activities. Van had not been able to get through the melee of RV's at Flying J, so we also refueled our propane while here. One of the extra features of familiar territory, you know where to get the necessary items. Snow Report From Denver Because of the predicted heavy winds, we'd decided to drive to Las Vegas, NM, and see whether or not to push on through to Raton for the day. But, I decided to check with Dottie, while I still had a signal. To my shock, she announced that not only had the 12 inches of snow arrived on schedule, but it had been so much worse: high winds caused blizzard conditions and 400-thousand homes without electricity. And the usually dry snow was heavy and wet, causing hazardous driving conditions, therefore the city was literally immobilized closing schools, businesses, highways and even the Denver International Airport. In other words, total chaos and no place that we wanted to be. Are we Still on Course? In addition to the above report of intolerable conditions ahead, the strong winds were coming across The Rockies, as we crossed the pass between Santa Fe And Las Vegas. And the clouds ahead confirmed that the storm had not passed eastward, yet. So, we spend another day and night on a Wal-Mart Supercenter parking lot, waiting out yet another storm. This time, I surrendered to the situation and made it through without being upset. However, I didn't feel like being on the computer, either, so we simply sat; didn't even go inside the store. Fortunately, we'd started our northward trip early enough that we could still take these time-outs and make it to Dottie's for Easter. And, perhaps, we could enter more fully into the spirit of the Easter Season. "Very Sorry" For instance, after much diplomatic negotiations, the 24-downed airmen were returned from China, once the words "Very Sorry" were communicated. And they would be home for Easter; surely good news for their families and loved ones, as well as for the entire nation. The entire incident, coming in this pre-Easter season, added a spiritual touch to the news of their release. And the further good news is that the successful negotiations and resolution added a high level of credibility to President Bush's position, and without any help from his dad or other political leaders or negotiators, such as Jesse Jackson. To me, the laughable part of the political aspect was news coverage of Bill Clinton, in India, riding on a regally bedecked elephant. Well, it's one way for him to finally have control over the Republicans, even if only symbolically. The Big Thaw By evening, Dottie called to say that it's almost as if the snow never happened. It had mostly melted, the sun was shining, and the city had returned to normal, except for all the cancellations causing everyone to stay home. However, we stayed put for the night and watched TV: a modern rendition of "Jesus Christ Superstar," a musical by Andrew Lloyd Weber. And later, the conclusion of the mini-series, "Jesus." All these international and media events, and weather happenings, seeming to fulfill the Easter Story of condemnation, crucifixion and resurrection. How I love the energies of this season, especially once we make it through the Garden of Gethsemane and crucifixion. Personally, I'm ready to move forward on an inner level, as well as outer. Not only were things breaking lose in all these other areas, but I'd managed to make the changes and links on the website, so once we could get on-line, we would be able to make the website transitions. Hooray for Naked Journey.com! Speaking of thaws and breakthroughs, the Big News came through on our e-mail, while at Dan's: Rick and Snow have their Dream RV. A 21 ft. Fleetwood Jamboree ? . We were invited to visit their website for details and pictures, and I invite you to do the same. Take a look at their beautiful white with blue trim Class C with everything they wanted and dreamed of, including enough room for Rick's tall frame and Snow's arts and crafts; and their computer. It's enough to make me want to turn our 35 footer in for one like theirs. I just know they will be ecstatically happy in their travels and I look forward to their ongoing reports on their website. God's Timing I also know that they will find time to complete their transaction for marketing Inner Freedom.net. So, this will complete our Easter Story, complete with the resurrection, even if it is after Easter. In any event, it will be God's Timing. In the meantime, the early morning last leg of our trip dawned with sunshine and no wind! What is giving me a clue that God's will is being done in the timing of this trip? The boring plains came alive with a lone buffalo and a herd of antelope in a field, along the way. In addition, the cattle with their newborn calves, and even some horses with newborn colts wobbly nestling beside their moms, reminded us that this is Springtime in The Rockies. And in the mountains we spotted three deer beside the road, as we also noted the fresh snow, on the pass at Trinidad. We were thankful the roads were clear and dry, however, the same could not be said from Colorado Springs northward, where there had been a lot more snow; another sign of Springtime in The Rockies; always one last dumping of snow in April. Because of the new road construction, there was no place for the melting snow to go, so in places it turned the freeway into a river. Imagine the semi's, RV's, and other vehicles on this heavily traveled Interstate Highway, bumper to bumper splashing muddy water everyplace. Fortunately, there were signs at the beginning of the runoff, so the traffic had slowed down, but as we crept over the two mountain passes, we were no longer having fun and the energies were charged with frustration all the way into Denver. But once into the outskirts of town, the backup was caused by the infamous road construction northward through the city and beyond. What a mess! Van had opted to take the I-225 cutoff to Flying J on I-70, but that freeway too, was a congested mess of piled and melting snow splashed by the whizzing semi's and others trying to makeup time from the previous delay. When we arrived at Flying J we were shocked at Freedom's new splattered design and I concluded that the next day we would get it washed at the Truck Stop in Golden, where we would also collect our mail at Mail Box, Etc. But, for this day, after a long and tiring drive, we would stay at Flying J, partly because the skies were overcast and extremely dark in the direction of Golden and the Weather News predicted more snow in the foothills. We were happy to be in Denver, as scheduled, on Thursday, despite all the delays and weather phenomenon. It's amazing how God's Timing always works out when we let go and let God. And this trip reminded me that God's will is always for good, even though there are times we may question that philosophy. However, as we watched the returning 24 Navy flyers land in Honolulu, we rejoiced that for this day the news was good. And we too had reached our destination. Tomorrow, Good Friday, we would arrive at Dottie's and begin our visit with our family and complete the website project.