Chapter 4 SURRENDERING TO THE FLOW OF LIFE: THE DIVINE PLAN The Ending The night before moving into our new space, at Trailer Rancho in Leucadia, while parked at Camping World, I turned off the TV, because my favorite shows had been replaced with Survivor, which I chose not to watch. Feeling that I was on the threshold of a wonderful new adventure, I felt guided to pick up my latest Unity Magazine and read an article from Finding Yourself in Transition by Robert Brumet. I'd already read both the article and the book, but I felt compelled to begin rereading a portion toward the end, where the title of this chapter leaped from the page. In fact, every word resonated within my soul, and I knew that I was being God guided to read them at this exact time. It's as if I'd opened a road map to find out where I'm at, where I'm going and how to get there. I knew that we would be entering into another New Beginning this month, as we entered the love energies of February, and these words reinforced this reality. And then I felt guided to find and read his book, one of the few that I'd brought with us and kept on my bookshelf. Brumet's thesis, both in the chapter and book, takes us through the process of Transition, with its Endings, Voids, and New Beginnings. And as I read, I realized that I was at an Ending. Somehow I knew that life, as I knew it, would be changing within the next month, and it would never be the same. The words I was reading not only confirmed this transition, but they reminded me that I felt ready to move forward. Accepting Each Part of Ourselves In recent weeks I'd been uncomfortable with some of my negative characteristics being thrown in my face, and I'd attempted to recognize and be free of them. But I felt reassured when I read that surrendering is totally and unconditionally accepting ourselves as we are right now, "denying nothing, condemning nothing." Whew! What a concept; one that I've heard before, but definitely reassuring at this time, with the caution that this does not mean acting out every thought or desire, but behaving in a sane and responsible way, while being fully surrendered internally. This means doing what is appropriate for our well-being and for that of others. The author reminds us to observe each thought, feeling, desire, memory or physical sensation without needing to act upon it, but rather to then let go what is inappropriate. The good news is that when we are fully surrendered, we will behave in ways that are appropriate and beneficial to ourselves and others; we can not do otherwise when living at this humble, yet exalted level of surrender, because we are no longer living from ego trying to "orchestrate and control the flow of life; rather we let life flow." Let go Attachment to Results The most important factor of surrendering is letting go attachment to results. Brumet reminds us that it's normal and okay to "ask for what we want and voice our opinion when appropriate, and even to act when we need to act." What a refreshing relief from the teachings that require the unnatural disciplines, such as a vow of poverty, silence, or denying ourselves the normal needs, desires or wants of living in a physical body. Yet, we cannot deny them the right to follow their path. However, thank goodness it isn't mine. The fact is that when we live life at the level of surrender, we gradually let go the things of the world, the significance of what's happened in the past or the importance of what's going to happen, and we find ourselves living in the present moment. And we eventually reach a place of peace and serenity when we discover a new source of power -- God within us -- and our ego can relax, as it learns to let go and let God. What a relief! The author says, "We experience the dance of life unfolding with less grasping and attachment and less suffering. Gradually, we begin to see that we are not living our life, but rather our life is being lived through us." Transition and Transformation These were exactly the words that I needed to hear again, at this particular time in my life, as I ended one phase and entered another. But that was only the beginning. Once I opened his book and let the pages fall where they may, I was guided by the outer words and the inner still small voice. "The transforming power of the transition process lies not in our arrival at a certain destination, but in our experience of the process itself. A transition is a journey." Brumet continues, "We travel much but rarely do we journey. When traveling, we mechanically relocate from one place to another. When journeying, however, the journey itself is as important as the arrival at a destination. We are so changed by the journey itself that we arrive a different person than we were when we departed. And so it is with the transition process." So, it is the transition process that brings about the transformation. That's why it is important to enjoy the trip along the way, for it is what is happening while we are searching for the meaning of life. When we arrive at our destination, the transformation will have occurred, without any efforting on our part. The Exodus Revisited Long before Robert Brumet wrote his wonderful book, I began a course which I've titled, Journey to Inner Freedom, based on the Exodus of Moses and the Israelites from the bondage of Egypt to the Freedom of the Promised Land (Canaan). But the exciting secret of this story is that the Exodus is a road map for us to follow. And Brumet also takes us through this journey, with his expertise as a teacher of world religions at Unity School for Religious Studies in Missouri. For anyone going through inner or outer change, I urge you to read his book, Finding Yourself in Transition, while you are studying my course, which is listed on my website: While reading Rev. Brumet's book, I was reminded that my course is not finished and I'll be guided further, as I resume working on it and bring it to its conclusion. However, the Road Signs, which I call each booklet, are completed through Crossing the River Jordan, and they will all be completed by the time the traveler arrives. As the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears" and by the same token, "When the teacher is ready, the student appears." This journey can be a mutually beneficial transition process for all concerned, when the students appear. It's taken me over twenty years to prepare this course, because I find myself living the various stages of The Exodus. And it can become very uncomfortable as I process through The Ten Plagues, The Dead End (the Red Sea), Wandering Through the Wilderness Maze, Crossing the River Jordan, The Void in The Assignment of the Land, Fighting the Battles of the Promised Land, and The Final Battles, before arriving at The Promised Land. But, it's important to realize that we're all cycling through these stages all the time, whether or not we are aware of it, because the journey is cyclic and spherical, like a vortex, and the psychiatrist, Carl Jung, explains that it's the journey we are all taking as we return to oneness. So, we are at various levels of each stage; some of us are living totally in Egypt and don't care if we are in bondage. Others are stuck at The Dead End or The Wilderness Maze, while others are fighting the battles. Yet, some of us are already living much of our lives in The Promised Land. But wouldn't it be helpful to have a Road Map that takes us through each phase of the Journey? Robert Brumet has given you his book and I've created my course, both based on the Exodus, which you can read in the bible. So enjoy your journey and we will serve as your Tour Guides. I might add that Journey to Inner Freedom also offers interesting Traveling Companions who share their experiences on the trip. These are men who came up to the Dead End of prison and are seeking inner freedom while in outer bondage. They have made their way through the course and found The Promised Land, and you can too. Pushing Through our Negativity Meanwhile, we are still discussing the subject of surrendering and this action symbolically takes place at the banks of the River Jordan. Having wandered through The Wilderness forty years, which represents an indeterminate number meaning however long it takes for us to reach the place of surrender, we are ready to step into the flooded waters. But this is easier said than done, because surrender means giving up control or being in control, which is one of our hardest requirements on this journey, and the ego is unwilling to let go. However, it's a test and must be made every time we cycle through this transition process. Once we've passed the test, we must step in faith into the flooded waters, and then God stops the river and we cross on dry land. The River Jordan represents our personal consciousness, which is a combination of our thinking, feeling, believing and experiences. Unlike the Red Sea, which symbolizes mass consciousness (everyone's combined negative and positive stuff), it's a matter of pushing through our own negative reasons as to why we can't do it or it won't work. Unfortunately, our personal consciousness also includes the impact of mass consciousness, if we have taken in those negative energies as a result of mass media, such as TV's influence. Every time we come to an Ending, before we can move forward on the spiritual journey, we come to the River Jordan, let go some more control, and step into the water. And we cross on dry land, which symbolizes that we are keeping focused on God. "To Arrive Where we Started" "And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time." Brumet uses the above quote by T.S. Eliot to make the point that "not all New Beginnings result in dramatic changes in one's outer life, but a transition may involve a deep inner change and yet will return us to external circumstances not unlike those before." He goes on to say, "In the long run, we may find that very little has changed externally, but internally, we are no longer living in the same world. We may find ourselves involved in the same external activities, yet experiencing them in a totally new way" as indicated by the above poem. Back in Time: In the Present Moment I found myself experiencing the reality of the above quotes as we began a journey of only twenty-miles that took me back in time, yet kept me totally in the present moment. We started with lunch at an Acapulco Restaurant in San Marcos; one where we have eaten many times, yet it was like the first time, because of the different circumstances, such as Freedom taking up five parking places. Using a coupon to order our Ultimate Combos, which included a chili relleno, chicken taco, tamale and enchilada, plus rice and beans for the price of one, we were truly Living in The Promised Land. Then we drove to our former shopping area in Encinitas and stocked up at Trader Joe's, but it was being re-arranged and even the locals were confused, so we didn't feel quite so disoriented. We'd parked at the far end of the parking lot and stopped at Long's Drugs for a local TV Guide and drinking water; and it all felt so good being in familiar territory. I was beginning to realize how much I had really missed this place. But when we stopped by my trusty copiers, Charter Copies, I was devastated to learn that it was no longer there. But the good news is that he works from his home, so there is hope that he will still publish my books as needed. One more stop, this time at Costco, and I commented to Van, "The energies here feel so good," as I had my pictures developed, and stored up on a few more items that I hadn't been able to find anyplace else. We're Home! Only a few more miles and we were home; yet it wasn't really home. Well, actually, we live in our home all the time, but pulling into a space in Leucadia, directly down the hill from the house where we once lived for twenty-years, felt more like home; and it felt good. The sun was shining on this first day of February and we were in our shirt sleeves, as we pulled into our space and checked in. Christine and George, the new managers, were friendly and made us feel at home, and our new neighbor, Doug, gave us a welcome greeting. Life in Paradise Oh my, Thank You, God. It does feel good to be back in Paradise. I awoke to blue skies and the sound of birds singing and a joyful song flowed from me too, as I felt life living through me. I agreed with the words from Louis Armstrong's song that I had played when we first arrived: What a Wonderful World. And I remembered the first time I heard that song when returning home from church, ten-miles up the coast from here: another sunny day with people enjoying their beach activities, surfing, jogging, walking, or pushing their baby strollers, walking their dogs, or simply sitting quietly in the sunshine. I truly felt the joy of the Lord then, knowing that I would spend another day in Paradise. And I feel that way now too. I'd thought that I would reminisce about our life in this beach town, the fulfilling years when my family all lived nearby, including Dottie and Steve and their girls (Airica and Arianna), and even my great-grandson (Brandon) and his dad (Earl). And at one time my daughter (Gail) and her two girls (Christina and Heidi) had lived here. For a few years my son (Marquam) lived here too, before returning to be near his dad in Oregon. Of course the reason we moved here was to be near my dad and stepmother (Arlene), who lived about ten-miles south, along the coast. And then my mother briefly lived with us, before the need to place her in a nearby convalescent home became apparent. Often my brother ( Gary), when he wasn't in Australia or on his forestry lookout, would be staying at Dad's. And then there are all of Arlene's family who live in the area, and the many friends and acquaintances we've made throughout the years. In other words, it is home, yet it's not the same since Dad died and other family members moved away. But, I've decided not to go any further with those memories, because they are part of the past and I've already written about them in other books. Now, I want to focus on surrendering into the flow of life by living in the present moment, and I will be sharing those moments in the next chapters. However, a brief description of our present surroundings seems appropriate. We had been here at another time, when we thought we would be staying, but they had no vacancies in their small RV section of this mobile home park. So, I'm learning, and this time I called and made reservations, so our space was waiting; and even the phone connection awaited our arrival, thanks to Van's efforts the day before. When we first arrived, I began to feel boxed in, but the resident in a mobile home across from us had planted a lovely flower garden that we could view without having to worry about the upkeep; and she also has crystals and hearts hanging in her window that reflect in the sun. And the trees in the distance add some greenery to complement the blue skies. And when it's quiet, we can hear the ocean on the other side of the small hill, which is just beyond the highway and railroad tracks (fortunately, neither are an annoying aspect of life in Paradise. The laundry room next door, and the office and club house (with a shower for Van's enjoyment), across the driveway, are convenient. The buses stop outside the park, so we have transportation south to visit Arlene, or north to go to church (both of which I've done in the past), which are lovely rides along the coast. We are within ten minutes from the major shopping centers, and we can walk across the highway and railroad tracks to the local grocery store. We also plan to take frequent walks to the beach, although we can see the sunset from our home. So, you see why I call this Paradise. One wonders, "Why would you ever leave?" Capture the Moment Most people take a camera to capture the moment, but I sometimes enjoy painting a word picture. Fortunately I'd taken a pencil and paper with me when we went to walk along the beach, only ten-minutes from our home. So, let's put this moment in the present tense. It's another sunny, warm day in Paradise, as we cross the railroad track and Coast Highway, and then walk past the donut shop and up the hill. Within minutes, we come to the crest and there before us looms the sparkling ocean stretching into infinity. Now, we stroll along the quiet street lined with high priced beach rental apartments and turn toward the city owned beach access steps that take us down the steep cliffs to the beach. We slowly descend the winding stairs, because of the irresistible impulse to look at the beach scene below, as we walk. From this height, we can see the nearest point of Swami's Beach in Encinitas (named for the Self-Realization Fellowship), and further south we can see the point next to La Jolla, although it is somewhat obscured by the haze. But, when we finally reach the sandy beach, we shed our jackets and stroll along the shore, while I stoop to pick up a delicate, almost transparent yellow seashell, and then a black ribbed scalloped one, and another, and another; each one colorful and unique, as I'm thinking, "I'll send these to Brandon, my great-grandson, since he lives in Colorado and seldom sees seashells." This gave me a good excuse to keep collecting the colorful shells. Eventually, we pass the Seabluff Condominium staircase, and soon we reach the place where the mobile homes used to be above the bluff, but now they are gone and the expensive property awaits the proposed beach extension of La Costa Resort. All this area is familiar to us, because it was our favorite walking beach for over twenty-years. But there have been some changes. For instance, the high wall of rocks that had once washed ashore during a winter storm was gone just as miraculously as it had appeared; washed away by the ocean's force. The removal happened because of the heavy stone breakwater placed at a strategic place along the shoreline, which caused the appropriate ebb and flow of the tide. By now we had walked quite a distance and we sit down on a remaining part of the piled rocks to rest and soak in the sunshine. I pick up a small piece of worn bamboo, having been battered by the sea, and with another smaller twig I hollow out the inside; nothing elaborate, but it feels good just sitting there not doing anything in particular. I'd planned on getting right to my website work today, but my Inner Guidance seemed to urge me to "surrender to the flow of life," and this seemed to be the time to leisurely enjoy the beach. While my hands are idly drilling the twig against the plugged inside of the bamboo, I'm watching an old man negotiating his three fishing poles, which are stuck into the ground with the lines out in the water. A thirtysomething blond lady brings her folding recliner and sits down to read, but soon gives it up and simply relaxes with her head tossed back absorbing the sun, while another younger gal, her hair tied back in a pony-tail, begins to jog down the beach, listening to her Walkman. There's not much more activity in our immediate area, other than the seagulls flying and dipping into the air. And my favorite little beach birds zip in and out of the edge of the water, as the tide comes and goes, leaving delicacies for them to chase and devour. They remind me of a wind-up toy I once saw in a tourist shop in San Francisco; but these are the real thing and much more fun. Further out in the water a fishing boat idles in the waves, and as the afternoon sun moves toward the sea, a helicopter passes by on its way from San Diego to Camp Pendleton. As I follow its progress northward, I notice some children playing in the sand, under the watchful eyes of their mothers who are chatting on a beach blanket. A couple of lovers pause in their walk to embrace, and a young gal quickly moves along the beach. But, our bottoms are getting tired from sitting so long, so we get up and continue walking along the beach toward the rock breakwater. I see a lady carrying some heavy rocks and offer her my plastic bag, which doesn't have all that many shells. She thanks me, but says she doesn't need it, as she's carrying them as exercise weights, and we chat a few minutes. She asks to see what I've found, and I proudly show her my delicate yellow shell and the black one, and my prize transparent orange one. She appropriately admires them and ambles on down the beach. Van brings my attention to a huge heart sketched in the sand, and the initials: E + J = scratched in front of it. He says "It's atomic calculus," which is way beyond me, so I ask "Does that mean it's spontaneous combustion?" He laughs. Later, almost at the breakwater, another lady chats and asks to see my treasures, and then shows me her agates that she plans to shine in her rock polisher, and she walks along the beach and then sits and reads her book. We climb up on the enormous rocks and watch the water moving in and out of the lagoon with the movement of the tide, and we can see the Carlsbad State Beach where we often stay for short periods of time. But not today, and soon we begin our walk back home. Only this time we cross over the rock pile, near where we had been sitting earlier, and cut through the parking area and up a slope to the Coast Highway, and then walk along it. Not as much fun, but saves us the long, long trudge back up the stairs that lead to the top of the cliffs. Going With the Flow I am so glad that God has been giving me this lesson on surrendering into the flow of life, because I'd been able to let go my intense compulsion to get the websites completed, and simply let life unfold according to God's Divine Plan and enjoy the good time in Paradise. It's a good thing, because when I talked with Joyce, she announced that the computer she uses, which belongs to her roommate, Bobbie, was down, in the shop, and might need to be sent to LA, if they couldn't fix it; a project that could take weeks. I calmly said that we'd simply let it all unfold in God's good time, and otherwise enjoy ourselves, while doing whatever inner and outer work was necessary. She was, no doubt, relieved that I wasn't upset, because she said, "Well, I didn't want your stay here to be for nothing." I replied, "Oh, it isn't 'for nothing,' we're enjoying every minute of it" adding, "So, we'll simply go with the flow." I'd been feeling an inner releasing and letting go, which added to my tranquillity, and I was thankful that God had brought me back home to experience this paradigm shift. Joyce had also been concerned because we hadn't made contact with Snow, however I reassured her that I had heard from Snow and that she had returned from the East Coast, but had gotten terribly sick; she's okay and they are now working on the websites. In the past, I would have stressed-out over all these delays, but now I turned it over to God and surrendered into the flow of His Divine Plan, and all is well. In fact, my Inner Guidance insisted that Joyce and I were to have a Fun Day, not about business, but simply enjoying girl talk. It was a "Go with the flow" day, because of the rain, and making wrong turns, and finding places that we'd once frequented no longer there for lunch choices. But, ultimately we arrived at the perfect place: Chin's, a favorite Chinese Restaurant that had moved from its former location and now occupies the place we'd intended going all along. Then when we looked for a movie, not having checked for starting times, none started for over an hour, but we stopped at a coffee house and chatted, while Joyce drank her coffee and I sipped Chai tea. The movie, Chocolat, was perfect, although Joyce had some difficulty dealing with the theme of church oppression and prejudices, due to her war stories from having attended a Catholic boarding school. But, she's done much healing work and this movie probably served as a test for her recovery. I, too, had attended a Catholic boarding school, and I had felt uncomfortable with the subject matter, but not enough to dislike the movie. However, I might have felt different, had it not had a happy ending. This had been a good day for us, and I especially enjoyed getting out on my own with my friend, Joyce. Home Alone Time alone was also good for Van, which was obvious when we returned and found him enjoying his new computer Casino game. He had already assured me that he could keep a balance between the gambling and his other activities, and after Joyce left, he happily reported his other accomplishments during the day, including transferring and linking my Journey of Awareness chapters and pictures; a major project, which I was delighted to know was in progress. Indeed, surrendering into the flow of life can be fun and still fulfill God's Divine Plan. |
Chapter 4 SURRENDERING TO THE FLOW OF LIFE: THE DIVINE PLAN The Ending The night before moving into our new space, at Trailer Rancho in Leucadia, while parked at Camping World, I turned off the TV, because my favorite shows had been replaced with Survivor, which I chose not to watch. Feeling that I was on the threshold of a wonderful new adventure, I felt guided to pick up my latest Unity Magazine and read an article from Finding Yourself in Transition by Robert Brumet. I'd already read both the article and the book, but I felt compelled to begin rereading a portion toward the end, where the title of this chapter leaped from the page. In fact, every word resonated within my soul, and I knew that I was being God guided to read them at this exact time. It's as if I'd opened a road map to find out where I'm at, where I'm going and how to get there. I knew that we would be entering into another New Beginning this month, as we entered the love energies of February, and these words reinforced this reality. And then I felt guided to find and read his book, one of the few that I'd brought with us and kept on my bookshelf. Brumet's thesis, both in the chapter and book, takes us through the process of Transition, with its Endings, Voids, and New Beginnings. And as I read, I realized that I was at an Ending. Somehow I knew that life, as I knew it, would be changing within the next month, and it would never be the same. The words I was reading not only confirmed this transition, but they reminded me that I felt ready to move forward. Accepting Each Part of Ourselves In recent weeks I'd been uncomfortable with some of my negative characteristics being thrown in my face, and I'd attempted to recognize and be free of them. But I felt reassured when I read that surrendering is totally and unconditionally accepting ourselves as we are right now, "denying nothing, condemning nothing." Whew! What a concept; one that I've heard before, but definitely reassuring at this time, with the caution that this does not mean acting out every thought or desire, but behaving in a sane and responsible way, while being fully surrendered internally. This means doing what is appropriate for our well-being and for that of others. The author reminds us to observe each thought, feeling, desire, memory or physical sensation without needing to act upon it, but rather to then let go what is inappropriate. The good news is that when we are fully surrendered, we will behave in ways that are appropriate and beneficial to ourselves and others; we can not do otherwise when living at this humble, yet exalted level of surrender, because we are no longer living from ego trying to "orchestrate and control the flow of life; rather we let life flow." Let go Attachment to Results The most important factor of surrendering is letting go attachment to results. Brumet reminds us that it's normal and okay to "ask for what we want and voice our opinion when appropriate, and even to act when we need to act." What a refreshing relief from the teachings that require the unnatural disciplines, such as a vow of poverty, silence, or denying ourselves the normal needs, desires or wants of living in a physical body. Yet, we cannot deny them the right to follow their path. However, thank goodness it isn't mine. The fact is that when we live life at the level of surrender, we gradually let go the things of the world, the significance of what's happened in the past or the importance of what's going to happen, and we find ourselves living in the present moment. And we eventually reach a place of peace and serenity when we discover a new source of power -- God within us -- and our ego can relax, as it learns to let go and let God. What a relief! The author says, "We experience the dance of life unfolding with less grasping and attachment and less suffering. Gradually, we begin to see that we are not living our life, but rather our life is being lived through us." Transition and Transformation These were exactly the words that I needed to hear again, at this particular time in my life, as I ended one phase and entered another. But that was only the beginning. Once I opened his book and let the pages fall where they may, I was guided by the outer words and the inner still small voice. "The transforming power of the transition process lies not in our arrival at a certain destination, but in our experience of the process itself. A transition is a journey." Brumet continues, "We travel much but rarely do we journey. When traveling, we mechanically relocate from one place to another. When journeying, however, the journey itself is as important as the arrival at a destination. We are so changed by the journey itself that we arrive a different person than we were when we departed. And so it is with the transition process." So, it is the transition process that brings about the transformation. That's why it is important to enjoy the trip along the way, for it is what is happening while we are searching for the meaning of life. When we arrive at our destination, the transformation will have occurred, without any efforting on our part. The Exodus Revisited Long before Robert Brumet wrote his wonderful book, I began a course which I've titled, Journey to Inner Freedom, based on the Exodus of Moses and the Israelites from the bondage of Egypt to the Freedom of the Promised Land (Canaan). But the exciting secret of this story is that the Exodus is a road map for us to follow. And Brumet also takes us through this journey, with his expertise as a teacher of world religions at Unity School for Religious Studies in Missouri. For anyone going through inner or outer change, I urge you to read his book, Finding Yourself in Transition, while you are studying my course, which is listed on my website: While reading Rev. Brumet's book, I was reminded that my course is not finished and I'll be guided further, as I resume working on it and bring it to its conclusion. However, the Road Signs, which I call each booklet, are completed through Crossing the River Jordan, and they will all be completed by the time the traveler arrives. As the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears" and by the same token, "When the teacher is ready, the student appears." This journey can be a mutually beneficial transition process for all concerned, when the students appear. It's taken me over twenty years to prepare this course, because I find myself living the various stages of The Exodus. And it can become very uncomfortable as I process through The Ten Plagues, The Dead End (the Red Sea), Wandering Through the Wilderness Maze, Crossing the River Jordan, The Void in The Assignment of the Land, Fighting the Battles of the Promised Land, and The Final Battles, before arriving at The Promised Land. But, it's important to realize that we're all cycling through these stages all the time, whether or not we are aware of it, because the journey is cyclic and spherical, like a vortex, and the psychiatrist, Carl Jung, explains that it's the journey we are all taking as we return to oneness. So, we are at various levels of each stage; some of us are living totally in Egypt and don't care if we are in bondage. Others are stuck at The Dead End or The Wilderness Maze, while others are fighting the battles. Yet, some of us are already living much of our lives in The Promised Land. But wouldn't it be helpful to have a Road Map that takes us through each phase of the Journey? Robert Brumet has given you his book and I've created my course, both based on the Exodus, which you can read in the bible. So enjoy your journey and we will serve as your Tour Guides. I might add that Journey to Inner Freedom also offers interesting Traveling Companions who share their experiences on the trip. These are men who came up to the Dead End of prison and are seeking inner freedom while in outer bondage. They have made their way through the course and found The Promised Land, and you can too. Pushing Through our Negativity Meanwhile, we are still discussing the subject of surrendering and this action symbolically takes place at the banks of the River Jordan. Having wandered through The Wilderness forty years, which represents an indeterminate number meaning however long it takes for us to reach the place of surrender, we are ready to step into the flooded waters. But this is easier said than done, because surrender means giving up control or being in control, which is one of our hardest requirements on this journey, and the ego is unwilling to let go. However, it's a test and must be made every time we cycle through this transition process. Once we've passed the test, we must step in faith into the flooded waters, and then God stops the river and we cross on dry land. The River Jordan represents our personal consciousness, which is a combination of our thinking, feeling, believing and experiences. Unlike the Red Sea, which symbolizes mass consciousness (everyone's combined negative and positive stuff), it's a matter of pushing through our own negative reasons as to why we can't do it or it won't work. Unfortunately, our personal consciousness also includes the impact of mass consciousness, if we have taken in those negative energies as a result of mass media, such as TV's influence. Every time we come to an Ending, before we can move forward on the spiritual journey, we come to the River Jordan, let go some more control, and step into the water. And we cross on dry land, which symbolizes that we are keeping focused on God. "To Arrive Where we Started" "And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time." Brumet uses the above quote by T.S. Eliot to make the point that "not all New Beginnings result in dramatic changes in one's outer life, but a transition may involve a deep inner change and yet will return us to external circumstances not unlike those before." He goes on to say, "In the long run, we may find that very little has changed externally, but internally, we are no longer living in the same world. We may find ourselves involved in the same external activities, yet experiencing them in a totally new way" as indicated by the above poem. Back in Time: In the Present Moment I found myself experiencing the reality of the above quotes as we began a journey of only twenty-miles that took me back in time, yet kept me totally in the present moment. We started with lunch at an Acapulco Restaurant in San Marcos; one where we have eaten many times, yet it was like the first time, because of the different circumstances, such as Freedom taking up five parking places. Using a coupon to order our Ultimate Combos, which included a chili relleno, chicken taco, tamale and enchilada, plus rice and beans for the price of one, we were truly Living in The Promised Land. Then we drove to our former shopping area in Encinitas and stocked up at Trader Joe's, but it was being re-arranged and even the locals were confused, so we didn't feel quite so disoriented. We'd parked at the far end of the parking lot and stopped at Long's Drugs for a local TV Guide and drinking water; and it all felt so good being in familiar territory. I was beginning to realize how much I had really missed this place. But when we stopped by my trusty copiers, Charter Copies, I was devastated to learn that it was no longer there. But the good news is that he works from his home, so there is hope that he will still publish my books as needed. One more stop, this time at Costco, and I commented to Van, "The energies here feel so good," as I had my pictures developed, and stored up on a few more items that I hadn't been able to find anyplace else. We're Home! Only a few more miles and we were home; yet it wasn't really home. Well, actually, we live in our home all the time, but pulling into a space in Leucadia, directly down the hill from the house where we once lived for twenty-years, felt more like home; and it felt good. The sun was shining on this first day of February and we were in our shirt sleeves, as we pulled into our space and checked in. Christine and George, the new managers, were friendly and made us feel at home, and our new neighbor, Doug, gave us a welcome greeting. Life in Paradise Oh my, Thank You, God. It does feel good to be back in Paradise. I awoke to blue skies and the sound of birds singing and a joyful song flowed from me too, as I felt life living through me. I agreed with the words from Louis Armstrong's song that I had played when we first arrived: What a Wonderful World. And I remembered the first time I heard that song when returning home from church, ten-miles up the coast from here: another sunny day with people enjoying their beach activities, surfing, jogging, walking, or pushing their baby strollers, walking their dogs, or simply sitting quietly in the sunshine. I truly felt the joy of the Lord then, knowing that I would spend another day in Paradise. And I feel that way now too. I'd thought that I would reminisce about our life in this beach town, the fulfilling years when my family all lived nearby, including Dottie and Steve and their girls (Airica and Arianna), and even my great-grandson (Brandon) and his dad (Earl). And at one time my daughter (Gail) and her two girls (Christina and Heidi) had lived here. For a few years my son (Marquam) lived here too, before returning to be near his dad in Oregon. Of course the reason we moved here was to be near my dad and stepmother (Arlene), who lived about ten-miles south, along the coast. And then my mother briefly lived with us, before the need to place her in a nearby convalescent home became apparent. Often my brother ( Gary), when he wasn't in Australia or on his forestry lookout, would be staying at Dad's. And then there are all of Arlene's family who live in the area, and the many friends and acquaintances we've made throughout the years. In other words, it is home, yet it's not the same since Dad died and other family members moved away. But, I've decided not to go any further with those memories, because they are part of the past and I've already written about them in other books. Now, I want to focus on surrendering into the flow of life by living in the present moment, and I will be sharing those moments in the next chapters. However, a brief description of our present surroundings seems appropriate. We had been here at another time, when we thought we would be staying, but they had no vacancies in their small RV section of this mobile home park. So, I'm learning, and this time I called and made reservations, so our space was waiting; and even the phone connection awaited our arrival, thanks to Van's efforts the day before. When we first arrived, I began to feel boxed in, but the resident in a mobile home across from us had planted a lovely flower garden that we could view without having to worry about the upkeep; and she also has crystals and hearts hanging in her window that reflect in the sun. And the trees in the distance add some greenery to complement the blue skies. And when it's quiet, we can hear the ocean on the other side of the small hill, which is just beyond the highway and railroad tracks (fortunately, neither are an annoying aspect of life in Paradise. The laundry room next door, and the office and club house (with a shower for Van's enjoyment), across the driveway, are convenient. The buses stop outside the park, so we have transportation south to visit Arlene, or north to go to church (both of which I've done in the past), which are lovely rides along the coast. We are within ten minutes from the major shopping centers, and we can walk across the highway and railroad tracks to the local grocery store. We also plan to take frequent walks to the beach, although we can see the sunset from our home. So, you see why I call this Paradise. One wonders, "Why would you ever leave?" Capture the Moment Most people take a camera to capture the moment, but I sometimes enjoy painting a word picture. Fortunately I'd taken a pencil and paper with me when we went to walk along the beach, only ten-minutes from our home. So, let's put this moment in the present tense. It's another sunny, warm day in Paradise, as we cross the railroad track and Coast Highway, and then walk past the donut shop and up the hill. Within minutes, we come to the crest and there before us looms the sparkling ocean stretching into infinity. Now, we stroll along the quiet street lined with high priced beach rental apartments and turn toward the city owned beach access steps that take us down the steep cliffs to the beach. We slowly descend the winding stairs, because of the irresistible impulse to look at the beach scene below, as we walk. From this height, we can see the nearest point of Swami's Beach in Encinitas (named for the Self-Realization Fellowship), and further south we can see the point next to La Jolla, although it is somewhat obscured by the haze. But, when we finally reach the sandy beach, we shed our jackets and stroll along the shore, while I stoop to pick up a delicate, almost transparent yellow seashell, and then a black ribbed scalloped one, and another, and another; each one colorful and unique, as I'm thinking, "I'll send these to Brandon, my great-grandson, since he lives in Colorado and seldom sees seashells." This gave me a good excuse to keep collecting the colorful shells. Eventually, we pass the Seabluff Condominium staircase, and soon we reach the place where the mobile homes used to be above the bluff, but now they are gone and the expensive property awaits the proposed beach extension of La Costa Resort. All this area is familiar to us, because it was our favorite walking beach for over twenty-years. But there have been some changes. For instance, the high wall of rocks that had once washed ashore during a winter storm was gone just as miraculously as it had appeared; washed away by the ocean's force. The removal happened because of the heavy stone breakwater placed at a strategic place along the shoreline, which caused the appropriate ebb and flow of the tide. By now we had walked quite a distance and we sit down on a remaining part of the piled rocks to rest and soak in the sunshine. I pick up a small piece of worn bamboo, having been battered by the sea, and with another smaller twig I hollow out the inside; nothing elaborate, but it feels good just sitting there not doing anything in particular. I'd planned on getting right to my website work today, but my Inner Guidance seemed to urge me to "surrender to the flow of life," and this seemed to be the time to leisurely enjoy the beach. While my hands are idly drilling the twig against the plugged inside of the bamboo, I'm watching an old man negotiating his three fishing poles, which are stuck into the ground with the lines out in the water. A thirtysomething blond lady brings her folding recliner and sits down to read, but soon gives it up and simply relaxes with her head tossed back absorbing the sun, while another younger gal, her hair tied back in a pony-tail, begins to jog down the beach, listening to her Walkman. There's not much more activity in our immediate area, other than the seagulls flying and dipping into the air. And my favorite little beach birds zip in and out of the edge of the water, as the tide comes and goes, leaving delicacies for them to chase and devour. They remind me of a wind-up toy I once saw in a tourist shop in San Francisco; but these are the real thing and much more fun. Further out in the water a fishing boat idles in the waves, and as the afternoon sun moves toward the sea, a helicopter passes by on its way from San Diego to Camp Pendleton. As I follow its progress northward, I notice some children playing in the sand, under the watchful eyes of their mothers who are chatting on a beach blanket. A couple of lovers pause in their walk to embrace, and a young gal quickly moves along the beach. But, our bottoms are getting tired from sitting so long, so we get up and continue walking along the beach toward the rock breakwater. I see a lady carrying some heavy rocks and offer her my plastic bag, which doesn't have all that many shells. She thanks me, but says she doesn't need it, as she's carrying them as exercise weights, and we chat a few minutes. She asks to see what I've found, and I proudly show her my delicate yellow shell and the black one, and my prize transparent orange one. She appropriately admires them and ambles on down the beach. Van brings my attention to a huge heart sketched in the sand, and the initials: E + J = scratched in front of it. He says "It's atomic calculus," which is way beyond me, so I ask "Does that mean it's spontaneous combustion?" He laughs. Later, almost at the breakwater, another lady chats and asks to see my treasures, and then shows me her agates that she plans to shine in her rock polisher, and she walks along the beach and then sits and reads her book. We climb up on the enormous rocks and watch the water moving in and out of the lagoon with the movement of the tide, and we can see the Carlsbad State Beach where we often stay for short periods of time. But not today, and soon we begin our walk back home. Only this time we cross over the rock pile, near where we had been sitting earlier, and cut through the parking area and up a slope to the Coast Highway, and then walk along it. Not as much fun, but saves us the long, long trudge back up the stairs that lead to the top of the cliffs. Going With the Flow I am so glad that God has been giving me this lesson on surrendering into the flow of life, because I'd been able to let go my intense compulsion to get the websites completed, and simply let life unfold according to God's Divine Plan and enjoy the good time in Paradise. It's a good thing, because when I talked with Joyce, she announced that the computer she uses, which belongs to her roommate, Bobbie, was down, in the shop, and might need to be sent to LA, if they couldn't fix it; a project that could take weeks. I calmly said that we'd simply let it all unfold in God's good time, and otherwise enjoy ourselves, while doing whatever inner and outer work was necessary. She was, no doubt, relieved that I wasn't upset, because she said, "Well, I didn't want your stay here to be for nothing." I replied, "Oh, it isn't 'for nothing,' we're enjoying every minute of it" adding, "So, we'll simply go with the flow." I'd been feeling an inner releasing and letting go, which added to my tranquillity, and I was thankful that God had brought me back home to experience this paradigm shift. Joyce had also been concerned because we hadn't made contact with Snow, however I reassured her that I had heard from Snow and that she had returned from the East Coast, but had gotten terribly sick; she's okay and they are now working on the websites. In the past, I would have stressed-out over all these delays, but now I turned it over to God and surrendered into the flow of His Divine Plan, and all is well. In fact, my Inner Guidance insisted that Joyce and I were to have a Fun Day, not about business, but simply enjoying girl talk. It was a "Go with the flow" day, because of the rain, and making wrong turns, and finding places that we'd once frequented no longer there for lunch choices. But, ultimately we arrived at the perfect place: Chin's, a favorite Chinese Restaurant that had moved from its former location and now occupies the place we'd intended going all along. Then when we looked for a movie, not having checked for starting times, none started for over an hour, but we stopped at a coffee house and chatted, while Joyce drank her coffee and I sipped Chai tea. The movie, Chocolat, was perfect, although Joyce had some difficulty dealing with the theme of church oppression and prejudices, due to her war stories from having attended a Catholic boarding school. But, she's done much healing work and this movie probably served as a test for her recovery. I, too, had attended a Catholic boarding school, and I had felt uncomfortable with the subject matter, but not enough to dislike the movie. However, I might have felt different, had it not had a happy ending. This had been a good day for us, and I especially enjoyed getting out on my own with my friend, Joyce. Home Alone Time alone was also good for Van, which was obvious when we returned and found him enjoying his new computer Casino game. He had already assured me that he could keep a balance between the gambling and his other activities, and after Joyce left, he happily reported his other accomplishments during the day, including transferring and linking my Journey of Awareness chapters and pictures; a major project, which I was delighted to know was in progress. Indeed, surrendering into the flow of life can be fun and still fulfill God's Divine Plan. |
