ToTellTheTruth2

We're getting ready to go on the road again, onto another adventure, and I'm looking

forward to it. Yet, with every forward movement there is change, and the challenge to give up

When we are in one place and hooked up to electricity, dump, water and phone, we get

settled into a routine. I know that I have unlimited resources, even in California, with its Power

Crisis, because we have a generator, and I can begin a writing or website project and have time

to finish. Well, not really, because I never seem to reach an end; there's always another project.

However, there is a sense of continuity, and the nesting syndrome sets in. I want to remain in the

So, I'm uncomfortable for a few days, as I contemplate the change. I'm torn between

wanting to stay put and move on. But, once I've accepted that we must become disrupted and

move forward, I happily anticipate the new adventures.

I'm coming to realize that the same is true with our inner journey. I accept that I am

ready to move out into the universe, and then I panic. Those inner demons that I think I've

overcome all come back to haunt me, and I want to retreat. In fact, in all honesty, I sabotage

myself. Either that, or I am put through a test that gives me the option of staying in my comfort

It's been like that lately. I felt the surge of energy and excitement as I wrote the first

chapter and looked forward to stepping out into the universe. But then everything came to a halt,

and I questioned myself: "Is it me, or is it God's timing? In fact, is God really guiding me, or am

I succumbing to some bi-polar disorder? I had been at a high, and suddenly I was at a low.

We were zipping down the freeway of my website, as I'd finished my last book and Van

began to publish the last chapters on the website. Suddenly he announced, "It's full; the website

"You're kidding," I wailed. "How much of the book is not entered?"

"The last chapter and Epilogue are not published," he replied,

Devastated, I contemplated all the other material I still wanted to add to this website,

including this book, but I'd come up against a brick wall; stopped in my tracks; like racing down

the freeway and running into a dead end. I hadn't even gotten all the pictures added to the

I prayed, I cried, I got angry, I felt like giving up. I'd come to a complete halt. Frantically

I e-mailed Rick and Snow and awaited their response. But none came.

I asked God what this meant, and my only response seemed to be that the book was

finished and I was to now offer it as a completed work for which I would be paid.

Oh no, now I'm up against the money thing again.

However, I've learned to follow my Inner Guidance, so I suggested that Van remove the

chapters from the website, which caused more problems, as he almost lost them.

I was at a standstill; I didn't know whether to go forward or back, so I stopped. I didn't

even write anything more. Mostly I cleaned up my e-mail files and responded to the incoming

During this time, the presidential fiasco finally reached a crescendo with the

Inauguration, and I took the day off to watch the events of the day, midst high anxiety, as the

parade passed through the battle zone. I really didn't need this amount of stress, but it's history

in the making, so I endured, as did those in the car and the marchers. Somehow, we survived the

day, and moved into the festivities of the parties and balls.

And then came Monday, with business as usual. Most of the protesters had gone home,

and the affairs of state moved forward: papers were signed, Bush made decisions, such as not to

help out California with the Power Crisis, and someone remarked, "It looks like the Republicans

Yep, the president was taking responsibility and expecting us, and the states, to do the

In the meantime, of course, Clinton's claw marks were digging in, as he said his last

But soon they were replaced by his "Hellos," as he went to the deli for breakfast, or

walked his dog. In other words, we were taken through his transition process.

If ever anyone was going through the natural phenomenon, The Void, of any transition, it

was President Clinton. Of course, he enjoyed sleeping in and winding down, but you can be sure

that the deafening roar of silence was upon him.

Sure, he had a book to write and a library to build, but not the first day, or second, or

maybe not even the first week or month, as he adjusts to his new status: citizen.

But, The Void can be devastating: nothing to do, nothing working, nothing moving

forward, as one unwinds from the addictive busyness; only in his case it wasn't an unwinding,

but an abrupt ending. This can be a time of inner conflict and emotional adjusting; and it can

also be a time when everything comes to a halt.

I've said before, and I'll say again, when one comes to The Void, it's time to do

something. Anything! If nothing more than going to the deli or taking the dog for a walk.

On the other hand, the nation was invited to view the new president attend church and otherwise adjust to his new life, as he left The Void stage of Transition.

In my Void, I too felt guided to go to church, and I thought that I would go to the one

I'd attended before, in Palo Alto. But, as I looked at the Unity Church websites, I felt an inner

urging to look for another one, and I discovered one much closer, complete with a wonderful

map and directions right to the doorstep given on their website.

While browsing the website, I also discovered a webpage relating to The Twelve Powers

in You, a book written by David and Gay Williamson and Dr. Robert Knapp. Since my ministry

and much of my writings are founded on these Twelve Powers, I knew that I must go to this

church, and hopefully talk with someone who knew about the Twelve Powers website.

We easily found the church, located in a strip mall, and I sat down (Van doesn't attend

church) and read the bulletin, as the people arrived. Several even said "Hello," which always

makes one feel welcome. However I was concerned when learning that there would be a guest

speaker, because I was looking forward to talking with someone about the Twelve Powers, and I

had assumed it would be the minister. But God doesn't make mistakes, as I would soon learn.

I'm not very fond of the portion of the ceremony where you must greet and hug each

other, but I participated, and as always, it felt good getting those healing hugs.

For some reason, when I came to one gal, I asked about the minister and learned that she

was sick. Then I said that I wanted to talk to someone about the Twelve Powers website.

She looked surprised and replied, "I did the website. I'm the webmaster."

Why doesn't this surprise me? When I mentioned that I have a large website and was

looking for a webmaster, we agreed to meet after church.

Needless to say, I sat in amazement thanking God for arranging this not-by-chance-

encounter, and I was even more amazed when I learned later that Patricia doesn't always go to

this church; she often attends the Palo Alto Unity.

The guest speaker, Helen McIntyre, gave an outstanding talk, "The Value in the Valley,"

which could easily relate to being in a void, as she listed the ten valleys where we can find

ourselves. One of my favorites was OPB, other people's business, in which we get caught up in

things that we don't have to do. But, each valley had a solution for moving to the mountain tops.

Finally, I met with Patricia and we discovered that we had so many things in common

and we hit it off immediately. We'd each found a new friend, and a friendship that could

However, as she talked about her recent divorce that took four years to culminate, and

she seemed concerned about finding a job and a place to live, I became aware that perhaps the

timing wasn't right for her to take on my website project.

Yet, when she and another member, Ed, invited us to join them for breakfast, it seemed

important to join them, and we followed to a Flames restaurant, like one around the corner from

us that I'd decided wouldn't be a good place to eat, for some reason. So much for assumptions; it

Patricia and I agreed to meet the next day at my place, but I'd begun wondering why I

was feeling uncomfortable about having her take on the project of updating the website, once

This didn't make sense, since I'd been guided to the church and meeting her. However, I

had learned that she didn't design the Twelve Powers in You, website, but she had linked to it;

the actual website was designed by someone else.

In the meantime, we agreed to check each other's websites so we would have a basis

from which to discuss any future plans. It had become apparent that Patricia likes a rather sparse

website, and mine could be overwhelming to her. So, I was having second thoughts, but again, I

I trust God's guidance, but I don't always trust my own judgment, and I began recalling

the many times I'd felt that someone was right for working with my ministry, only to discover

that they weren't. I'd gone through much pain and heartbreak due to this process, and I began to

feel apprehensive, and questioning my judgment; again asking myself if it were God's guidance

or simply my Abandonment Syndrome consciousness that attracted people who would desert me.

I began feeling a sense of hopelessness, like there was no use trying to move forward,

because I was forever doomed not to become successful with my website endeavors. Probably, I

would be much better off just doing it for my own healing, or as a hobby, and letting it go at that.

I'd become concerned about the responsibility factor of having Joyce expecting this to

become financially lucrative, but it would simply have to be up to her consciousness, because I couldn't seem to move out of my patterns. And I still hadn't heard from Rick or Snow, so I questioned if God was really guiding me.

In fact, without fully understanding why, I'd concluded that there was some other reason

for meeting Patricia, and I decided not to pursue the website project. In truth, maybe our meeting

had simply been for me to recognize my patterns and make this decision.

As Patricia and I talked, my decision made sense, when she revealed that she is bi-polar.

Not that this takes away from her, or our friendship, but I'd become more increasingly aware

that, because of my background of having a schizophrenic mother and alcoholic adopted mother,

plus my relationship with other mentally ill people, I simply can't deal with it anymore. And

Nevertheless, I liked Patricia, and I understood that she is very fragile, at this time,

having been married to an alcoholic, in addition to her own manic-depressive syndrome. She

agreed with my decision that the timing isn't right for this website project, but did leave the door

open for a future project. And we definitely agreed to remain friends and keep in touch.

I realized that I had passed through a test, of sorts; realizing that I could be friends with

someone, without having to get involved in their business, or their healing, or having to have

them involved in my projects. I'd successfully passed through the Valley of OPB.

I smiled the next day when I read Patricia's e-mail message to me that ended with: "I

For one thing, it meant that she would be reading my Current Newsletter and Travel

Accounts, and that felt good. But most of all, I'd made a new friend along the way.

I'd been considering the idea of making a new website to relieve some of the load from

the RVing one, and it made sense to me to have a personal website; one that would be listed in

the Internet as Joyanna Freeland, so if anyone, such as former inmates, whom I call Freedomers,

wanted to find me, it would be easy. And, of course, it would be linked to the other three

But, mostly I wanted to have my personal books, such as Pilgrimage to Kah-nee-ta and

In Search of Dutch Cleanser; the Mystery of me, located on this website; and also family

pictures, which could be linked to other writings for clarification.

This felt good and I looked forward to Van creating the new website and moving the

material into place. Maybe having this personal website would be another level of inner healing,

because it would be revealing more about me, and it would have to stand on it's own; not

dependent on my other writings. Just me out there being me.

During my Void time, I'd resorted to reading Tina Sinatra's book, My Father's

Daughter, which Van's mom had leant me. It seemed like an appropriate book for me to be

reading, at the time, because, in some ways, I could relate to her, having been raised by a doctor

and at Hot Springs, and feeling like I lived on the Inner Circle; though it wasn't the Hollywood

And I had a unique relationship with my dad, although I wasn't around him very much,

after I was adopted my his dad and step-mother. But, our relationship resumed when I was a

teenager and lived with him and his second wife for a year, and then lived with his mother,

during the rest of my high school years. And we were in close contact the rest of his life.

Tina articulated a lot of my feelings, and especially when she wrote about Barbara,

Frank's widow. My sympathies had been with her, until I read the book, which triggered my own

smoldering emotions about Mom Freeland, who was Dad Freeland's second wife. I could fully

relate to what Tina wrote, because I've lived it. But, fortunately, as I read, it felt as if those

emotions had been healed, because there was no more intensity to them.

In fact, reading about the long and lingering final years of her dad, especially his illness

and medications, I related to my dad's final years, and I realized that those feelings, too had been

healed, mostly thanks to the writing that I had done, which will be featured on "Who is

I felt ready to move on with my life, no longer held in bondage to the past, and yet

realizing that this history is part of who I am and must be honored by me.

For some reason, the time I spent with Patricia had confirmed these facts in my mind. I'm

not willing to force myself into situations and relationships that are hazardous to my health, nor

I concluded that if God doesn't take care of getting me Out Into the Universe, painlessly

and easily, then I'm not going to do it. In other words, I found myself at another level of

After going through all this process, I finally received an e-mail message from Rick and

Snow. They were on the east coast for some business, and would contact me when they return.

The full website problem could be easily remedied, and they asked that I wait until they could

I can't remain in my Comfort Zone and go Out Into the Universe at the same time; it's

got to be one or the other. And this is true with anything. For instance, once Van got Who is

Joyanna? website done, with all the files in place, it was necessary to remove them from the

other websites, thus making room for something new. Yet, there was a momentary urge to hold

onto them; just in case something went wrong on the new website. This, of course defeated the

whole purpose of making more room, so he deleted.

By the same token, we can't stay here in Santa Clara and go to southern California at the

same time. We have to be willing to give up one or the other.

In my Journey to Inner Freedom Course, Road Sign #3: Evaluation shows a set of circles

with arrows from one to the next. It suggests that we need to get off our position and move to the

next one. Then we can determine if we want to stay, return to the familiar, or move forward.

I'm very much in this mode right now. I have a choice, and it's up to me to make it; no

right or wrong, but simply a matter of choice. And our lives are full of these daily choices, but

we must be willing to give up one thing in order to experience the next.

The same is true with anything in life; are we willing to give up our habits, patterns and

addictions in order to experience a new reality? But first we have to ask ourselves: what would I

be giving up? You see, we've worked long and hard to develop these conditions and behavior, so

most of us aren't willing to let them go, nor are we willing to release the payoff: control,

In other words, it's easy to see why surrender, giving up control and being in control, is

essential before stepping into the flooded waters of the River Jordan, before leaving The

Wilderness Maze and entering The Promised Land. I mention this, because it's a step in our

Journey to Inner Freedom, as described in my course that correlates the journey of the Israelites

from their bondage in Egypt to freedom in The Promised Land. God guided them, through

Moses, just as He guides our Transition Exodus from bondage to freedom. So what are we

I'll be sharing my process, as I continue my inner and outer journey; and I'll also share

Van's transition process, with his permission. I'm sure that I will be leaving claw marks in my

Comfort Zone, as President Clinton did when forced to leave one position for another.



	Chapter 2 TO TELL THE TRUTH Give up my Comfort Zone We're getting ready to go on the road again, onto another adventure, and I'm looking forward to it. Yet, with every forward movement there is change, and the challenge to give up my comfort zone and face the unknown. When we are in one place and hooked up to electricity, dump, water and phone, we get settled into a routine. I know that I have unlimited resources, even in California, with its Power Crisis, because we have a generator, and I can begin a writing or website project and have time to finish. Well, not really, because I never seem to reach an end; there's always another project. However, there is a sense of continuity, and the nesting syndrome sets in. I want to remain in the familiar setting. So, I'm uncomfortable for a few days, as I contemplate the change. I'm torn between wanting to stay put and move on. But, once I've accepted that we must become disrupted and move forward, I happily anticipate the new adventures. Face the Unknown I'm coming to realize that the same is true with our inner journey. I accept that I am ready to move out into the universe, and then I panic. Those inner demons that I think I've overcome all come back to haunt me, and I want to retreat. In fact, in all honesty, I sabotage myself. Either that, or I am put through a test that gives me the option of staying in my comfort zone or taking the next step. Everything Came to a Halt It's been like that lately. I felt the surge of energy and excitement as I wrote the first chapter and looked forward to stepping out into the universe. But then everything came to a halt, and I questioned myself: "Is it me, or is it God's timing? In fact, is God really guiding me, or am I succumbing to some bi-polar disorder? I had been at a high, and suddenly I was at a low. We were zipping down the freeway of my website, as I'd finished my last book and Van began to publish the last chapters on the website. Suddenly he announced, "It's full; the website is full. It won't take any more chapters." "You're kidding," I wailed. "How much of the book is not entered?" "The last chapter and Epilogue are not published," he replied, Devastated, I contemplated all the other material I still wanted to add to this website, including this book, but I'd come up against a brick wall; stopped in my tracks; like racing down the freeway and running into a dead end. I hadn't even gotten all the pictures added to the chapters. Now what? I prayed, I cried, I got angry, I felt like giving up. I'd come to a complete halt. Frantically I e-mailed Rick and Snow and awaited their response. But none came. I asked God what this meant, and my only response seemed to be that the book was finished and I was to now offer it as a completed work for which I would be paid. Oh no, now I'm up against the money thing again. However, I've learned to follow my Inner Guidance, so I suggested that Van remove the chapters from the website, which caused more problems, as he almost lost them. I was at a standstill; I didn't know whether to go forward or back, so I stopped. I didn't even write anything more. Mostly I cleaned up my e-mail files and responded to the incoming ones. So Goes the Nation During this time, the presidential fiasco finally reached a crescendo with the Inauguration, and I took the day off to watch the events of the day, midst high anxiety, as the parade passed through the battle zone. I really didn't need this amount of stress, but it's history in the making, so I endured, as did those in the car and the marchers. Somehow, we survived the day, and moved into the festivities of the parties and balls. And then came Monday, with business as usual. Most of the protesters had gone home, and the affairs of state moved forward: papers were signed, Bush made decisions, such as not to help out California with the Power Crisis, and someone remarked, "It looks like the Republicans are in office." Yep, the president was taking responsibility and expecting us, and the states, to do the same. It's a new era. The Void is Upon us In the meantime, of course, Clinton's claw marks were digging in, as he said his last good-byes that seemed to never end. But soon they were replaced by his "Hellos," as he went to the deli for breakfast, or walked his dog. In other words, we were taken through his transition process. If ever anyone was going through the natural phenomenon, The Void, of any transition, it was President Clinton. Of course, he enjoyed sleeping in and winding down, but you can be sure that the deafening roar of silence was upon him. Sure, he had a book to write and a library to build, but not the first day, or second, or maybe not even the first week or month, as he adjusts to his new status: citizen. But, The Void can be devastating: nothing to do, nothing working, nothing moving forward, as one unwinds from the addictive busyness; only in his case it wasn't an unwinding, but an abrupt ending. This can be a time of inner conflict and emotional adjusting; and it can also be a time when everything comes to a halt. I've said before, and I'll say again, when one comes to The Void, it's time to do something. Anything! If nothing more than going to the deli or taking the dog for a walk. Or, Go to Church On the other hand, the nation was invited to view the new president attend church and otherwise adjust to his new life, as he left The Void stage of Transition. In my Void, I too felt guided to go to church, and I thought that I would go to the one I'd attended before, in Palo Alto. But, as I looked at the Unity Church websites, I felt an inner urging to look for another one, and I discovered one much closer, complete with a wonderful map and directions right to the doorstep given on their website. While browsing the website, I also discovered a webpage relating to The Twelve Powers in You, a book written by David and Gay Williamson and Dr. Robert Knapp. Since my ministry and much of my writings are founded on these Twelve Powers, I knew that I must go to this church, and hopefully talk with someone who knew about the Twelve Powers website. We easily found the church, located in a strip mall, and I sat down (Van doesn't attend church) and read the bulletin, as the people arrived. Several even said "Hello," which always makes one feel welcome. However I was concerned when learning that there would be a guest speaker, because I was looking forward to talking with someone about the Twelve Powers, and I had assumed it would be the minister. But God doesn't make mistakes, as I would soon learn. I'm not very fond of the portion of the ceremony where you must greet and hug each other, but I participated, and as always, it felt good getting those healing hugs. For some reason, when I came to one gal, I asked about the minister and learned that she was sick. Then I said that I wanted to talk to someone about the Twelve Powers website. She looked surprised and replied, "I did the website. I'm the webmaster." Why doesn't this surprise me? When I mentioned that I have a large website and was looking for a webmaster, we agreed to meet after church. Needless to say, I sat in amazement thanking God for arranging this not-by-chance- encounter, and I was even more amazed when I learned later that Patricia doesn't always go to this church; she often attends the Palo Alto Unity. The guest speaker, Helen McIntyre, gave an outstanding talk, "The Value in the Valley," which could easily relate to being in a void, as she listed the ten valleys where we can find ourselves. One of my favorites was OPB, other people's business, in which we get caught up in things that we don't have to do. But, each valley had a solution for moving to the mountain tops. Finally, I met with Patricia and we discovered that we had so many things in common and we hit it off immediately. We'd each found a new friend, and a friendship that could continue by e-mail and website. However, as she talked about her recent divorce that took four years to culminate, and she seemed concerned about finding a job and a place to live, I became aware that perhaps the timing wasn't right for her to take on my website project. Yet, when she and another member, Ed, invited us to join them for breakfast, it seemed important to join them, and we followed to a Flames restaurant, like one around the corner from us that I'd decided wouldn't be a good place to eat, for some reason. So much for assumptions; it was a delicious breakfast. Can I Trust my Judgment? Patricia and I agreed to meet the next day at my place, but I'd begun wondering why I was feeling uncomfortable about having her take on the project of updating the website, once Rick and Snow finished. This didn't make sense, since I'd been guided to the church and meeting her. However, I had learned that she didn't design the Twelve Powers in You, website, but she had linked to it; the actual website was designed by someone else. In the meantime, we agreed to check each other's websites so we would have a basis from which to discuss any future plans. It had become apparent that Patricia likes a rather sparse website, and mine could be overwhelming to her. So, I was having second thoughts, but again, I wondered why I'd been guided to her. I trust God's guidance, but I don't always trust my own judgment, and I began recalling the many times I'd felt that someone was right for working with my ministry, only to discover that they weren't. I'd gone through much pain and heartbreak due to this process, and I began to feel apprehensive, and questioning my judgment; again asking myself if it were God's guidance or simply my Abandonment Syndrome consciousness that attracted people who would desert me. I began feeling a sense of hopelessness, like there was no use trying to move forward, because I was forever doomed not to become successful with my website endeavors. Probably, I would be much better off just doing it for my own healing, or as a hobby, and letting it go at that. I'd become concerned about the responsibility factor of having Joyce expecting this to become financially lucrative, but it would simply have to be up to her consciousness, because I couldn't seem to move out of my patterns. And I still hadn't heard from Rick or Snow, so I questioned if God was really guiding me. In fact, without fully understanding why, I'd concluded that there was some other reason for meeting Patricia, and I decided not to pursue the website project. In truth, maybe our meeting had simply been for me to recognize my patterns and make this decision. The Valley of OPB As Patricia and I talked, my decision made sense, when she revealed that she is bi-polar. Not that this takes away from her, or our friendship, but I'd become more increasingly aware that, because of my background of having a schizophrenic mother and alcoholic adopted mother, plus my relationship with other mentally ill people, I simply can't deal with it anymore. And maybe that is what I needed to realize. Nevertheless, I liked Patricia, and I understood that she is very fragile, at this time, having been married to an alcoholic, in addition to her own manic-depressive syndrome. She agreed with my decision that the timing isn't right for this website project, but did leave the door open for a future project. And we definitely agreed to remain friends and keep in touch. I realized that I had passed through a test, of sorts; realizing that I could be friends with someone, without having to get involved in their business, or their healing, or having to have them involved in my projects. I'd successfully passed through the Valley of OPB. I smiled the next day when I read Patricia's e-mail message to me that ended with: "I look forward to our traveling together." For one thing, it meant that she would be reading my Current Newsletter and Travel Accounts, and that felt good. But most of all, I'd made a new friend along the way. Who is Joyanna? Website I'd been considering the idea of making a new website to relieve some of the load from the RVing one, and it made sense to me to have a personal website; one that would be listed in the Internet as Joyanna Freeland, so if anyone, such as former inmates, whom I call Freedomers, wanted to find me, it would be easy. And, of course, it would be linked to the other three websites. But, mostly I wanted to have my personal books, such as Pilgrimage to Kah-nee-ta and In Search of Dutch Cleanser; the Mystery of me, located on this website; and also family pictures, which could be linked to other writings for clarification. This felt good and I looked forward to Van creating the new website and moving the material into place. Maybe having this personal website would be another level of inner healing, because it would be revealing more about me, and it would have to stand on it's own; not dependent on my other writings. Just me out there being me. Another Authoress During my Void time, I'd resorted to reading Tina Sinatra's book, My Father's Daughter, which Van's mom had leant me. It seemed like an appropriate book for me to be reading, at the time, because, in some ways, I could relate to her, having been raised by a doctor and at Hot Springs, and feeling like I lived on the Inner Circle; though it wasn't the Hollywood or Las Vegas scene. And I had a unique relationship with my dad, although I wasn't around him very much, after I was adopted my his dad and step-mother. But, our relationship resumed when I was a teenager and lived with him and his second wife for a year, and then lived with his mother, during the rest of my high school years. And we were in close contact the rest of his life. Tina articulated a lot of my feelings, and especially when she wrote about Barbara, Frank's widow. My sympathies had been with her, until I read the book, which triggered my own smoldering emotions about Mom Freeland, who was Dad Freeland's second wife. I could fully relate to what Tina wrote, because I've lived it. But, fortunately, as I read, it felt as if those emotions had been healed, because there was no more intensity to them. In fact, reading about the long and lingering final years of her dad, especially his illness and medications, I related to my dad's final years, and I realized that those feelings, too had been healed, mostly thanks to the writing that I had done, which will be featured on "Who is Joyanna?" I felt ready to move on with my life, no longer held in bondage to the past, and yet realizing that this history is part of who I am and must be honored by me. For some reason, the time I spent with Patricia had confirmed these facts in my mind. I'm not willing to force myself into situations and relationships that are hazardous to my health, nor is it necessary. I concluded that if God doesn't take care of getting me Out Into the Universe, painlessly and easily, then I'm not going to do it. In other words, I found myself at another level of surrender and trust. It's Easily Done After going through all this process, I finally received an e-mail message from Rick and Snow. They were on the east coast for some business, and would contact me when they return. The full website problem could be easily remedied, and they asked that I wait until they could take care of it. Hooray! What am I Willing to Give up? I can't remain in my Comfort Zone and go Out Into the Universe at the same time; it's got to be one or the other. And this is true with anything. For instance, once Van got Who is Joyanna? website done, with all the files in place, it was necessary to remove them from the other websites, thus making room for something new. Yet, there was a momentary urge to hold onto them; just in case something went wrong on the new website. This, of course defeated the whole purpose of making more room, so he deleted. By the same token, we can't stay here in Santa Clara and go to southern California at the same time. We have to be willing to give up one or the other. In my Journey to Inner Freedom Course, Road Sign #3: Evaluation shows a set of circles with arrows from one to the next. It suggests that we need to get off our position and move to the next one. Then we can determine if we want to stay, return to the familiar, or move forward. I'm very much in this mode right now. I have a choice, and it's up to me to make it; no right or wrong, but simply a matter of choice. And our lives are full of these daily choices, but we must be willing to give up one thing in order to experience the next. The same is true with anything in life; are we willing to give up our habits, patterns and addictions in order to experience a new reality? But first we have to ask ourselves: what would I be giving up? You see, we've worked long and hard to develop these conditions and behavior, so most of us aren't willing to let them go, nor are we willing to release the payoff: control, attention, excuses. In other words, it's easy to see why surrender, giving up control and being in control, is essential before stepping into the flooded waters of the River Jordan, before leaving The Wilderness Maze and entering The Promised Land. I mention this, because it's a step in our Journey to Inner Freedom, as described in my course that correlates the journey of the Israelites from their bondage in Egypt to freedom in The Promised Land. God guided them, through Moses, just as He guides our Transition Exodus from bondage to freedom. So what are we willing to give up? I'll be sharing my process, as I continue my inner and outer journey; and I'll also share Van's transition process, with his permission. I'm sure that I will be leaving claw marks in my Comfort Zone, as President Clinton did when forced to leave one position for another.