Chapter 3 WHAT AM I WILLING TO GIVE UP? This subject seems worthy of an entire chapter, and I am feeling guided to go with it, as we begin our next journey. We had already decided to give up the rest of our time in Santa Clara in order to visit friends along the way, before settling into our space in Leucadia for a month. We concluded the last day in our Comfort Zone by utilizing the facilities to launder our rugs and clothes, and vacuuming while I had an electrical hook-up. I also took care of any last e-mail and I prepared and printed a birthday card for Jerry Pitre and I let him know that we wouldn't be seeing him this trip. All this time, of course, Van had been going through his morning routine and finally began his countdown chores: dumping, filling water, disconnecting and maneuvering our motor home (Freedom) out of the narrow driveways from the mobile home park. I wondered how they got the mobile homes in there. Choices at Fresh Choice Joanie, my inner child, felt the need for nurturing and I suspected that Little Ralph, too, could use a good meal, before getting too far down the road. Besides, Joanie wanted closure on using a coupon for Fresh Choice, a soup and salad bar restaurant. So I'd called and gotten the location and directions to one in Almaden, a community south of San Jose, along our route. Since we were only going to Wal-Mart in Salinas, we decided to make it an adventure, because we had to drive about five-miles west, into unfamiliar territory. I wished that Van had installed the CD that Cousin John had given us the night before. But, after a phone call for more directions, we found the restaurant at the edge of a mall with lots of parking space. An unfamiliar soup and salad bar, in itself, is an adventure as we selected one delicacy after another, of course leaving others unselected. And this began an ongoing experiential aide (like a visual aide, only you learn through the actual experience) that God was giving me for this chapter. You must give up something when you make a choice; this over that. One salad is selected, another is rejected; one soup is chosen, another eliminated; one dessert eaten, another left. After all, we can only eat so much; there is a limit. I must say that our choices were enjoyed and we added Fresh Choice to our list of good restaurants. Add More 0's This experiential aide reminded me of a money lesson I'd once been given when feeling victimized about our meager Social Security Retirement finances. Cousin John, who had earned a six-figure income as a CPA, once said, "Being a millionaire is no different, you just add more 0's." And God reminded me that even millionaires have to make choices, because, after all, they aren't billionaires, and there is a limit. With this experiential aide, I no longer felt like a victim, because I realized that I had choices. The same is true with time; we all have the same amount, and we choose what we do with our time. If we don't feel that we have enough for one purpose or another, we can make a choice by eliminating something. I had to make choices about my website, because I ran out of space, so I chose to make a new one and transfer some of the webpages, thus giving myself more space for appropriate webpages. While on our way to Fresh Choice, we discovered a freeway that would easily return us to Highway 101, rather than the long drive along surface streets; and that is another lesson about choices: one can open the way for another, once we get off our position and try something different. Too Late! Another lesson evolved from our side trip: time taken for our meal caused us to arrive at Camping World too late; they were already closed. So we made another choice: wait until the one in San Marcos. And we learned that there is always a price to pay for each choice: something chosen; something given up. I'd also wanted to stop at San Juan Bautista Mission, but it was now dark. Would I cause Joanie to be disappointed, because she'd wanted Little Ralph to see this place? No, we drove the several miles from the freeway and viewed it at night by starlight, with the mission and surrounding shops brightly lighted: a memorable scene that promised more to see next time. And Little Ralph, too, was satisfied that he'd now seen this mission that he'd heard so much about. Good-bye Jerry After spending the night on Wal-mart's parking lot, and having bought a few items inside, we moved on through the Salinas Valley, made famous by John Steinbeck's book, Grapes of Wrath. When passing Soledad Prison, I felt a pang of disappointment, because I'd wanted to visit Jerry Pitre, but I knew that he was having a good visit with his friend, which was an earlier choice made by them, and therefore, we had made the choice not to wait another week, but to keep to our schedule. So, I trusted God's timing and waved as we went by. Hello Carol One of the reasons I'd decided to adhere to our itinerary included visiting with Carol in Santa Maria, a long-time friend whom we hadn't seen for many years. Dottie has kept in contact and gave me her e-mail address. I'd learned that she would be busy the next weekend, although we could have seen her another weekday. Yet, with the choice made to leave on schedule, we were now able to spend part of the weekend with her. Arrangements were made and she treated us to dinner at The Jetty, a good fishhouse. Here we caught up on both families and reminisced about our past relationship. Although she had originally been a friend of Dottie, our relationship began when Carol typed my first book, Pot O' Gold Prosperous Living Course, long before computers were on the scene. As we talked, Carol reminded me that the course had been a great help in her life. In fact, she recalled a lesson from my Pot O' Gold Course which was the turning point that started her into a higher level of prosperity consciousness. I had suggested she buy something she really wanted, without being concerned about the price; just buy it because she wanted or needed it. Of course, a prerequisite is that one use good judgment and make wise choices, such as not overspending. However, the point of the lesson is to change a deeply ingrained money pattern, such as selecting from the right side of the menu for the cheapest price, rather than choosing what you really want. It apparently worked for Carol, because she has held a successful job with Lockheed- Martin, which allowed her to transfer to the low-stress environment community of Santa Maria to work at the facility near Vandenburg. She owns a lovely condo, has traveled extensively (both as part of her job and otherwise), and recently purchased a new Buick car. Besides this, she has raised a fine family and enjoys her precious grandson. After dinner, we retired to Carol's home where she took us browsing through her self- created website, based on the idea of buying and selling moderate priced artwork. She plans for this to be a project that will provide an after-retirement income, allowing her to travel, while selecting artwork. In other words, she would be doing something she loves, and she trusts the money to follow. She already has entered some attractive floral scenes, and I recommend a visit to her enjoyable website: We were impressed with her excellent programming expertise and she offered to pass along ideas that might be helpful to our website project, especially since she is beginning to study Internet marketing. Once we'd browsed Carol's website, she took a lot of time to check out all three of mine, and as we talked, she suggested that I add the mandalas to my Transformation website. These are designs that can be colored for centering and meditation purposes and they coincide with the Twelve Powers. I told her about the idea of having twelve meditation rooms, one for each of the Twelve Powers, and she was delighted. Of course, all these ideas meant that we would need to create another website, because I would want to add the text of the courses, too, so we'd need more space. Yet, the ideas were beginning to fulfill my original dreams for this course: building a Center with meditation rooms, and presenting workshops based on the Twelve Powers. Now, I would be doing all this on my website. How exciting! It felt so good talking with someone who was genuinely interested in my writings and courses, and reminded me of the great energy exchanges when we worked together. Writing the Pot O' Gold Course had been an arduous and lengthy project for me, and typing had taken several years of Carol's spare time. After all, I'd included the framework for everything I'd written for my Inner Freedom Ministry program, and it was a thick book, which I've divided into other projects, so it no longer exists, as such. But talking with Carol reminded me that I'd been thinking about revising the book and only using the material relating to money, as a textbook for Money Makeovers. Of course, this would be another time consuming endeavor, added to all the other incompleted projects, so I decided to back-burner it for right now. But my time with Carol had proven to be inspiring and truly lit a torch within me, or at least rekindled the fires to keep me going. The truth is that I had about decided to stop the insanity of all this website building, because "Who cares anyway?" Well, apparently Carol cared, and benefited, which is enough motivation to keep me going. A Successful Super Bowl Sunday Dave Letterman presented a fun addition to the Super Bowl with his list: "How to Tell if it's a Successful Super Bowl Party." As far as we were concerned, Carol's get-together qualified as she whipped up deviled eggs, chili dogs, chips and snackies and a homemade cheese ball, along with other goodies. She and I indulged in girltalk for a few hours, before the game, and then Van joined us, adding the male energies cheering on the game. Van had said that the Baltimore Ravens would beat the New York Giants and he was right. He'd also said it would be a low score game, which it was, for the Giants, as they were beaten 34-7. Carol's Super Bowl party didn't end with the game, but continued into the evening with the addition of popcorn. However, the day entered our memories and will remain with us both, and Van too, as a memorable time with a dear friend. As Carol said, "I may not have written through the years, but I'll never forget our friendship." And, she added that with our computers, we will be able to stay in contact. Russ's Choices We were joined for snacks by Carol's son, Russ, who lives with her, and he chatted while snacking, but he spent most of his time in his room, as the Raider's weren't playing so he wasn't interested. He's a pleasant young man, twenty-eight-years old, but I remembered when he was a youngster, along with his brother and sister, and they all played in our Jacuzzi with my grand- daughter, Arianna, when we lived in Saratoga (a suburb of San Jose). Seeing this adult man was a shocking reminder of all the years that had passed, and I admired his thoughtfulness and respect for his mother, such as burying a mouse the cats had left on the patio, and going to the store for Duraflame logs for the fireplace, which we enjoyed throughout the game and during the video movie that she showed afterward. Russ said something that applies to this subject of making choices, "I was once diagnosed as manic-depressive and put on medication, but it didn't work, so I decided that I didn't need to be that way and I stopped." Obviously his choice worked for him and he was willing to give up mental illness. He came by his wisdom from his mother, who earlier had explained her philosophy, "I decided that I can be a victim of my childhood experiences, or I could move on, so I chose to move on." Carol confirmed my contention that illness and other conditions are a matter of choice, because they serve some purpose, such as attention, control or an excuse for our behavior. As it is said, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Most people have gone to great effort to attain their limitations, though it may be on a subconscious level, and they would resent this statement, but it is true, and this is the good news. If we got sick through our thinking, we can get well the same way; just change our thinking. I once tried to talk with an elderly man about the healing attributes of our products, and suggested that he could possibly stop taking some of the myriad bottles of pills on his counter. He obviously didn't want to give up whatever benefits he received from his illness, because he got so angry that he ordered me out of his home. That's when I gave up trying to help people who are happy in their sickness, poverty or other limitations. Refueling Time When we parted, and thanked Carol for such an enjoyable visit, she gave me a big hug and told me how much it meant to her to again spend time with her mentor. This meant even more to me, because my self-esteem had depleted and I definitely needed some bolstering as preparation for going out into the universe with my website. That night, as the frogs in the big pond next to our RV loudly croaked the Hallelulia Chorus, I drifted to sleep realizing that I may have given up my visit with Jerry, but it had been replaced with a delightful weekend with Carol. And I would still get to see Jerry another time. It's a matter of trusting God's timing, and I was thankful that He had guided me to this refueling time with Carol. Backroads from Solvang to Santa Barbara Usually we are in such a hurry to reach our destination when passing by Solvang that we don't take time to stop. But this trip was different, because we'd decided to stop at Camping World in Santa Clarita (home of Six Flag's Magic Mountain) for more repairs; the door handle spring had broken and the door wouldn't stay closed, unless locked. Also, the pedal for flushing the toilet again leaked; just more homeowners-on-wheels frustrations. Therefore, we had time for a side trip to the Danish town, Solvang, where Danish bakeries abound, along with lots of tourist attraction shops; mostly in Danish architecture. I took a picture of Freedom parked by an olive tree in the ample free RV parking lot, not far from the heart of town, which encouraged us to survey several bakeries. We settled for the Danish Mill Bakery where Van savored an apple fritter and I ate a cheese Danish and we shared a delicious Napoleon; enough calories, fat and sugar for a week's quota. But, I must admit they were worth it. Since we aren't into shopping, or even browsing, besides the fact it was sunny but cool, we soon left. Van had suggested that we follow the inland route to Santa Barbara, which would be a new adventure. This meant giving up the familiar route along the beach, so we made a choice to try the unknown, at least to us. However, not to others, because there was a lot of traffic on the two-lane mountain road that twisted and wound its way over the Coast Range through miles of avocado and orange groves much of the way. We could see distant snow-covered mountains, which is unusual in this part of California, but the heavy winter storm that had also left snow on Mt. Hamilton in northern California also dumped the white flakes on these peaks. This scenic route, which we followed for over twenty miles was especially beautiful with the mountain backdrop to sparkling Lake Cuchama. Van pulled off whenever there was a turn-out so the accumulated cars could pass without too much frustration. And the traffic seemed to increase as we cruised high above Santa Barbara with the Pacific Ocean glistening in the distance, beyond the mountains and city. Such scenic beauty took away the concerns of the steep, winding roads, as we finally eased into the back roads of Santa Barbara and onto Highway 101. The Bear Went Over the Mountain Once reconnected with the Coast Highway, my thoughts returned to recognizing the significance of this chapter: giving up one thing for another; the lesser for the greater, in many cases. I'm not sure I'd given up the lesser, because I do love the drive north of Santa Barbara, along the ocean, but Van and I felt good that we had expanded our horizons by taking a new route; exploring the unknown that lay beyond the hills and mountains. This excursion reminded me of a childhood adventure when I wanted to see what was on the other side of the mountain. We lived at the Warm Springs Indian Agency, where Dad Freeland was the chief-of-staff for their hospital. We were about five-years-old when I persuaded my friend, Doris Ann, to take the journey with me, along with our dogs. Once we'd climbed the steep slopes to the top, we found ourselves on a mesa, which took a long time to cross. But, finally we reached the other side and guess what? All we saw was the other side of the mountain with valleys and more mountains. While retracing our way homeward, it became dark and we could hear our parents and rescuers calling to us. We were sure we would be in trouble, but they were happy to find us, and I'd learned a valuable lesson about the other side of the mountain. But I still seek to search the unknown. In later years I learned a song that would have saved me that trip: "The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see." As the song drones along, it concludes, "The other side of the mountain is all that he could see." Do it Again Nevertheless, spurred on by the scenic beauty of the backroad, Van and I decided to try another. This one, 150, again went through miles of orange and avocado orchards, up hillsides and even steep mountains, to the mountain town of Ojai; a place I'd always wanted to see, because Ricky Arnez, son of Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball, once lived there, while attending a spiritual foundation. Van brought to my attention that the town had no franchise businesses and no large business signs. In other words, it is quite exclusive; and it seems like a desirable place to live, if you don't mind the mountain roads in either direction. Again, there would be choices to make and lifestyles to give up, if you lived here, which is true of anyplace, actually. You give up one thing for another. Finally, we arrived back at the Freeway from Ventura to Santa Clarita, which is lined with groves heavy with oranges. And in some groves the branches were full of lemons. In fact, I could actually taste the citrus fruits in my mouth, which is not necessarily a bonus, because my system doesn't usually tolerate citrus. However, this time I made it without any stressful body reactions. Hooray! A plus to the pleasure of this scenic back road. Dead End You'd think, after all those back roads that we could find our way, along the frontage road, to Camping World. But, while I took a break to the bathroom, Van came to a Dead End, caused by road construction, which forced him back over the freeway and headed in the wrong direction. By the time I came out, we were hopelessly lost in commute traffic at sunset. I'm not sure what triggered my upset, unless it was from the sugar rush at Solvang, or maybe the fact that I hadn't eaten anything else in four hours. In any event, I got terribly upset. I'm writing about thismostly for my own benefit; to understand the triggering events that bring on these upsets, and hopefully to offset them in the future. I've noticed that Van seems to feel that he needs my constant presence, and perhaps there was a subconscious cooperation between him and the road construction; not to mention my own projections that say I can't even take time to go to the bathroom. But this time I got so upset and confused that I was no help to him and he had to find his own way out of the dilemma, which he easily did by pulling into a mall parking area, looking at his map to Camping World, turning around and retracing our route. Then he took a different access road into the facility where we parked and I fixed something to eat. This seemed to be another experiential aide given by God, and I suspect that it was for Van's benefit, as he was beginning to make decisions, after coming out of his post-traumatic -stress syndrome, without relying totally on me. But often when we try to change the old patterns, they come back and bite us, because the ego doesn't want to give up control, and it uses these patterns to keep us in bondage. Again, when we choose to give up an old pattern, there is a price to pay, and we must be willing to push on through to the other side. Often, we give up at this point, and the ego wins the battle. Journey to Inner Freedom is an entire coarse I've written about the journey and battles between the ego's efforts to keep us in bondage as we strive for freedom. And we come to the Dead End at the Red Sea, where the journey seems destined to failure. But, Moses gave us guidelines to follow, such as lifting the rod of affirmations and declaring the truth: "Stand ye still and see the salvation of Jehovah, which He will work for you this day." In other words, focus on God, instead of the problem or obstacle, and move forward. Van did this, as he continued to make decisions and right choices. It was a momentous victory for him. And one that he continued to claim, as he made decisions to buy a new toilet, rather than repairing the old model, and buying a new door handle, since they didn't have parts for the old. My part was to keep my mouth shut and let him handle it, since I always want a man to handle these things. The interesting sidelight is that Van was feeling sickish throughout this procedure, and I suggested that it could be an emotional reaction to the process, although he didn't fully understand what I was talking about. Praises for the New Toilet I hadn't noticed the difference with the new toilet when it was installed, but with the next use, I delighted to discover that it's a real grown-up toilet, not the child-size that we'd had before. And every time I used it I rejoiced again and complimented Van on his good decision to buy a new toilet. This may seem like a big fuss over nothing, but in this lifestyle it's a big deal. I also found it interesting that when the repairs were completed, he felt fine, and we continued on our way with a new toilet and a door knob-lock that didn't allow the door to fly open. More Choices The next project for more choices on Van's part came with our stop at Beaudry RV, in San Marcos, where we again endeavored to get the windshield wipers repaired. We arrived at lunch time, so Van took advantage of the time to call the phone company and order our local hook-up so it would be ready the next day when we arrived at our site. Once the mechanic surveyed the situation, he concluded that we didn't need a new one, because a part was broken and could be repaired. So Van chose to have him put it back together and order a new part, which we would have replaced at a later time. I'd hoped to stop at nearby Acapulco Restaurant for another coupon special, but as the day progressed, I realized that it would put too much pressure on us to eat and return before the gates closed, so we chose to stay overnight and have lunch the next day, and then do our shopping at Trader Joe's and check into our new home at Trailer Rancho. This way we could enjoy a leisurely meal and stress-free shopping. We were feeling good with our experiential aides for making choices and deciding what to give up and what to keep. We'd been making some good choices with good results. Now, we were ready for a new adventure with our websites, while staying put for a month in Paradise (Southern California). |
